Have you ever wondered what would it be like if your life is a movie? Like, your life right now is actually being filmed while you're going about with what you're doing right now and that someone, somewhere, is watching you all this while. Has it ever occurred to you about it? It's strange you know. Just the other day, I pictured this scene of myself. I guess it's because I went to KLCC that day though. But yeah. I had this scene in my mind, where I was alone, lying down on the green green grass at KLCC's park, probably with a book in my hand, and the sun, oh it's shining like summer has never stopped and it was just, peaceful, serene, tranquil. Then it struck me, how nice would it be if that scene was captured and filmed? Maybe someone, out there, would love watching this moment, even if it's just nothing but a simple moment of my life.
You may say, I think too much, or I over imagine stuff. Or even more far-fetched, I watch too much fairy tales and ending up living life as part of my own fairy tale. Every girl secretly wishes for a perfect fairy tale of her own. I know, because I'm one of them. We have this, perfect story sketched out in front of us every time we stumble upon someone special, someone that gives us too much memories to be held only in the heart, someone that we naively yet genuinely believe we truly one. This story, we're always ready and always willing to be a part of it, be the princess in it and the only gap that we only want to be filled in is this someone. This someone who wants to be her prince. Yes, a prince and a princess. This all seems too perfect. Too perfect to be true. That's when reality sets in.
Ever have that moment when you become fully aware that your mind is at war with your heart? I guess these are two parts of your body that never see eye to eye with each other. Yeah, I get that quite often. On one hand, your mind is telling you and convincing you the obvious truth. The truth that no matter how may try to shrug it off, deep down inside, you know you can't deny it. Then this know-it-all fella which is your heart, tries to fight off that notion coming from your mind, giving you signals, giving you everything you want to believe in at that moment and most of all, giving you hope. Hope, that's what keeps this battle going. I don't know about you but for me, whenever such a war begins between my two precious protectors, I search for this tiny voice in my heart. Crazy huh? But it's true. I really do search for it, listen to it, attend to it, and finally believing it. Literally. I suppose that's what keeps me going, that's what I've been holding onto. It may be some explainable, giving the situation in which I myself couldn't differentiate which side is the rational one and which is the emotional one. Of course, it could be that voice is what I want to believe in and so that's what I search for and been given to hear it. Or it may be some subconscious thing trying to fool around with your mind and heart and that's really an uncool thing to do, you mister smarty pants.
You see, here's the thing with us girls. Or at least with me. This voice, this inner voice that I turn to in my deepest moments, it may not be the right thing to do but it is only through it that I realize myself, I realize my efforts and I realize what I have to do. And what I have to do is to keep going. I've come this far, we've come this far and I don't easily believe in giving up. No, maybe you would have thought of it but not me. Yeah, irrational, illogical, stupid, silly, whatever you want to call it. The thing is, this voice is what I want to believe in and the reason it's here is as a reminder to me, a nudge for me to do what I think I would not regret. I would rather get hurt from trying that to regret for not trying. Perhaps, that's my principle for now. You know sometimes I think, maybe the mind is just being caring for the heart. You know how people would do silly things and crazy stuff that they would never do in a gazillion years just for this manipulative fella called love? Oh yeah, now that I think of it, it might be that the mind loves the heart too much to allow it to get hurt and that's why it keeps going against the heart and putting up walls around it so that no one, and no one, can tear it down and make it even more vulnerable than it has been already. Who knows right? They might have some form of communication system too, you know. Oh dear, I guess too much of Transformers. ;P
Even though it might hurt me and expose my vulnerability, at least I know I'm doing something I know is worth it. At least I know I'm doing it out of love. Because that's what love does to us isn't it? Making us go in circles and turning us into insane people doing insane things at the most insane moments. Yes, love.
Can it? Because some things just deserve second chances.
I wish my life has been filmed all this while and continues to be filmed. Who knows? Someone might be watching it and maybe someday, you, of all people, will know about it. =)
Tangled. Somewhere inside, I long to be this princess. Princess Rapunzel and a kiss from the prince. That's all I ask for. You.
PS. Sometimes I think that this voice in my heart is a voice from God. <3 =)
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