23rd July.
It's been a month. This date last June, that was when everything changed. Everything I was waiting for, hoped for, wished for, imagined, vanished. I never knew how this day was like for you. Was it easy? Just another normal day? Or was it a date you remembered because it hurt you for knowing that it's been so long since the existence of 'us'? It never left my mind, and definitely not something I could erase from my heart. Because it's just too precious to be gone with it. I think of you, and I won't deny that.
The day before I left for Malacca, I asked mum's permission for the trip.
Me: Mi, can I go to Malacca tomorrow?
Mum: With who?
Me: Friend
Mum: How many?
Me: One
Mum: Boyfriend ah?
Me: No
Why did she only acknowledge it when it's all different already? Why did she not acknowledge it much earlier? And that hurt my heart even more. And now, I've become so sensitive to the word 'boy/girlfriend'.
Even after so long, I could still relate almost everything and anything to what we shared before. To you, especially. Almost everything, I mean it. I wish it happens to you as well. I wish you think of me too whenever you see or do something that we once saw, we once talked about, we once argued about, we once cherished, we once shared, we once loved. You. It was all you. It still is.
I miss you, but I couldn't tell you. And that's why it kills me inside. Everything I see, reminds me of you. Whenever I see you smile, it makes me smile too, and then I realize I would hardly get that smile from you anymore. Whenever I become aware of your frustration or sadness, I think of how I used to be the one who could cheer you up or the one you would turn to tell to. I think of you a lot, and really a lot. I wonder if you do too. 23rd will be another date that I would not forget. I miss you, I really do.
I love you.
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