Something happened last night. I went into the kitchen to get ready for dinner and very suddenly, I had a glimpse of the rubbish bin just below the sink. What caught my attention immediately was that the box of chocolate you gave me on Valentine's Day was in it. I knew there was only one chocolate left in in but I couldn't and didn't want to finish it because that would mean, it'll be finished. Gone. And I would not have anymore left. And now, it's just getting worse, I won't even be able to keep the box to myself. I thought grandpa removed the last piece from the box and so I checked the box of Ferrero Rocher but that final piece was not in there. Instinctively, I said aloud that grandpa threw my box of chocolate away and then mum, who came in behind me said that she actually ate the last one. I wasn't mad or anything. Perhaps, I was just sad, real sad that I wasn't the one who get to savour this last one and worse still, the box. The box will be gone now.
Another thought came to me yesterday as I was about to take an evening nap. It was a really terrifying thought. One that will continue to haunt me until I am assured that it will not happen. My phone, the one that has been with me since approximately 5 years ago. No, it would probably have been more than 5 years. The other day, it became totally unusable. Now, it's been handed over to this shop and till now, I couldn't be sure whether it can be fixed or not. Even if it can, if it costs too much, I guess mum would prefer me to get a new one instead. Here's the thing, what if my phone can't be fixed and all the messages can't be retrieved??? It scares me so much just by thinking of the possibility of it happening. Those were the most precious memories and conversations that I hold on to now. With them gone, I don't know if I could handle such a huge loss. I don't think I could even do so. I just can't accept the fact that I might lose all those messages. Why is this even happening??? ='((
Sometimes, incidents such as these seem like coincidences to me. Or sometimes, I would think of them as a way of God's telling, perhaps, in conveying a certain message. And from these two incidents, it brings me to the conclusion that maybe they are happening to me to tell me to let go and move on. But no, this conclusion is the last thing that I want to be true. I can't stop myself from thinking that it might be so to convince me in obeying those advices but at the same time, I do not want to acknowledge them as well. I overthink, yes, I do, too much sometimes. Maybe I'm terrified, maybe I'm just scared you know. I just don't want to lose those messages. I cannot bear to lose them. ='((
Please, please please, just please, not those messages. I need them. ='((
Dear God, please, I ask of you. Not those messages, not even one of them. I'll cry. It'll hurt too much.
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