mockingjay

Holla! 

I'm practically THE most accomplished human on earth right now. At least I feel so! :D

My holidays? I could say they're pretty complete by now.

Wrath of the Titans; checked.

THE HUNGER GAMES; CHECKED! :D

Yes, I could proudly declare that my holidays will end awesomely. 

I was the one who wanted so badly to watch The Hunger Games. So when I brought it up to my bro, he on the other hand, proposed another movie. I guess it was the first time he ever requested to watch two movies altogether. Well, request granted. So was mine. And two movies shall we watch!

Wrath of the Titans was, alright. If you've watched the prequel, you;ll understand what I mean. Really, even bro said so himself that the previous one was better than this sequel. Character development was not so thorough, I would say. But there were two characters that stood out among the rest. And not to mention both share a handsome amount of humour. Argenor, the demigod son of Poseidon and Hephaestus, the seemingly insane old man who made the weapons of the Gods and also Tartarus, the ultimate prison of the underworld. Argenor reminds me of Jack Sparrow; his smirk, his quirkiness, his mischief and his sense of direction. HA! For Hephaestus, he's well, he's just the quirky self-talking Einstein-like knows-it-all genius. He does remind me of a certain character, but one that I cannot recall now. :)

Synopsis: Sam Worthington, Ralph Fiennes and Liam Neeson star once again as gods at war in "Wrath of the Titans," under the direction of Jonathan Liebesman.A decade after his heroic defeat of the monstrous Kraken, Perseus (Worthington) -the demigod son of Zeus (Neeson)-is attempting to live a quieter life as a village fisherman and the sole parent to his 10-year old son, Helius.Meanwhile, a struggle for supremacy rages between the gods and the Titans. Dangerously weakened by humanity's lack of devotion, the gods are losing control of the imprisoned Titans and their ferocious leader, Kronos, father of the long-ruling brothers Zeus, Hades (Fiennes) and Poseidon (Danny Huston). The triumvirate had overthrown their powerful father long ago, leaving him to rot in the gloomy abyss of Tartarus, a dungeon that lies deep within the cavernous underworld.Perseus cannot ignore his true calling when Hades, along with Zeus' godly son, Ares (Edgar Ramírez), switch loyalties and make a deal with Kronos to capture Zeus. The Titans' strength grows stronger as Zeus' remaining godly powers are siphoned, and hell is unleashed on earth.Enlisting the help of the warrior Queen Andromeda (Rosamund Pike), Poseidon's demigod son, Argenor (Toby Kebbell), and fallen god Hephaestus (Bill Nighy), Perseus bravely embarks on a treacherous quest into the underworld to rescue Zeus, overthrow the Titans and save mankind.

Source : GSC

If you've never watched the first one before, then this may not be a great disappointment to you at all. It's still worth watching, at least there are an additional of new characters, be it giants or part-animal-part-human or even the nastiest volcano-bodied entity.


But Zeus perished! No, I don't mean to provide spoiler but, Zeus, dead? I was like, hang on, isn't he a God? And that brings me to ponder over the circumstance whereby he became so weak that he was brought to a military camp after being rescued by Perseus and the whole army was like, "Hail Zeus!" or something like that. Did he just became a mortal? :P Alright, that aside, but, him gone? What would become of the Olympus? You know, that Mount Olympus or Olympia or whatever it is called that they live? What would become of Hades? He is all that's left among the three brothers now anyway. No more gods, no more meanies, no more war. And no more sequels henceforth. :D #imjustsaying

Imsoexcitedicouldbarelybreathe!

Whoever has been in my vicinity for the past week knows fully well about my recent obsession. Especially my momma. Because every time I spot something that has the slightest connection with The Hunger Games, I would burst out its name. Or even when I don't see anything about it, I would still do the same. Or even when I feel like shouting its name. Or when I feel that quietness is too great around us. :D #getusedtomyquirkiness

I'VE FINALLY WATCHED THE HUNGER GAMES!

No, you definitely will not understand my extreme excitement. No one could, because I couldn't as well. I thought back of the reason for my sheer eagerness towards this movie, and I hit a dead end. No reason, I just did. Perhaps the influence just got too contagious and so happened I opened myself so easily to its power. I'm happy though. :)

They look so good together. :)

Synopsis: Every year in the ruins of what was once North America, the nation of Panem forces each of its twelve districts to send a teenage boy and girl to compete in the Hunger Games. Part twisted entertainment, part government intimidation tactic, the Hunger Games are a nationally televised event in which "Tributes" must fight with one another until one survivor remains. Pitted against highly-trained Tributes who have prepared for these Games their entire lives, Katniss is forced to rely upon her sharp instincts as well as the mentorship of drunken former victor Haymitch Abernathy. If she's ever to return home to District 12, Katniss must make impossible choices in the arena that weigh survival against humanity and life against love.

Source: GSC

Honestly, those people at The Capitol look more like Oompa Loompa to me. You know, really distinguished make-up, colourful hairdos, long and coloured eyelashes, short, stubby and elaborated moustache. They would make the perfect companions to Oompa 
Loompas. :D 


The people behind this Hunger Games are sickening. No, I don't direct this to the real people. What I mean is those controlling the game when I thought it's supposed to be a fair and survival-centred competition. They altered the whole situation and change it from a safe refuge to a highly dangerous battlefield. Really sickening! Well the game itself is sickening already. They should might as well select people from The Capitol and make them fight to death and see what would their reactions be. 


Nevertheless, it's a great story for people like us to think, and to ponder over the fact that such circumstances have taken place and may still be existing in this world right now. It calls for mercy and sympathy, not entertainment. How brutal and bloody some people can be. Not even a day after the game started that more than half of the Tributes have been slain already. Imagine what people in reality can do to others just for the sake of entertainment or as an enforcement of power and authority. That's plain exploitation. Man, this book can be studied as a literary work. :D


It's amazing when imagination is involved. Gee, you can instantly plant a tree right in the middle of a remote jungle just by a few touches on screen from where you are at, say in a laboratory or something. And even create creatures that have the looks of a dog and an unrecognisable beast. Oh, and apartments that are so darn futuristic! I'd definitely kill to have one. No, not kill. I'll figure something else. :) Their train is by far more advanced than what the world has now too. If that day would dawn upon this earth in the future, I would hope to be able to live till then and witness it. IF. :)


You know that feeling when you watch a movie that really touches the bottom of your heart and there is this one character you inspires you or that you want to relate to her and be like her so badly? Yeah, some films do so to me and this one especially does. Perhaps why we feel so connected to this film is because it's teenagers that are involved in such bloody battles. We feel so ourselves. We're not grown ups, we still have fears in us. I'm not sure I can survive in a jungle on my own knowing that I am going to be killed any minute. Scary isn't it? I wish I could be like Katniss. She's such a strong and tough girl. Mind you, she can even shoot so well! :D


This might seem overrated but it's not. I tell you, it's not. I can relate to it as I watched it. It's meaningful, it's a beautiful piece of work. 
I'm so proud to be a fan of The Hunger Games. :D


Watch it. :)

The Hunger Games! (Y)

I wouldn't mind watching a second time. :)

kid again

I'd like to become a child again sometimes. If there is but one mini time machine like the one Hermione had, I would be the luckiest kid in the whole wide world!

I only ask for simple stuffs, like reliving those nights when momma would turn on nursery rhymes and tuck us in bed. Those tunes would be our companions and replay themselves until we have found our way to Neverland. Such simple joy. :)

I could definitely use one of those sentiments for this night. 

The need is just there. 

Being ALMOST grown up now, there are so many considerations that we take into account. Like, if I turn on the stereo and put my favourite songs on play throughout the night, who knows what will happen to me when the next electricity bill comes in? Or, who's gonna turn it off for me after I have gone to play hide and seek with Peter Pan? 

By the way, I can't even play CDs on my stereo. 

But I want to have songs playing in the background every night until I fall asleep!

Really. My sense of humour.

You think I'm joking? 

That's just my sense of humour. :)

the wait is over

I CAN'T WAITTTTTTT!

just another step stone

Two years back, I was the one who had to endure cold feet and an adrenaline rush throughout the night. I was the one getting excited like little kids waiting for Santa with minute preparations. I was one of those who was busy exchanging greetings and wishes to anyone and everyone. I was one of those who could still fall soundly asleep even if the earth had spun the other way round despite many people's insomniac night. :)

Really, I am so sure I had fallen asleep within minutes when some other people had thought I was outta my mind for being able to do so.

It was THE thing of that time. But things will come to pass. Just like how it did.

Two years later, and here we are. SPM results release date. And this time, the anxiety fell on my bro. Or more like post-restlessness. 

Some weep, some jump from joy, while there are those who are so darn cool! But like I said, it's not the end of the world. Really, this is merely one small phase in life. There is a whole life out there waiting for you to explore, waiting for you to adventure, waiting for you to make mistakes, to fall and to not give up. If you think your results are best among the best, good for you. If otherwise, you are not alone. How many great people out there have not failed before they come to the point they are at now? You may fail, but do not be defeated.

Hey, you'll be just fine. :)

I promise you.

Ahh, I only realized it today how terrible I am at consoling people. Need more practice! Whoever's willing, you know who to turn to. :)

Oh, and because bro wanted me to fetch him to school to get his results, I spent some not-so-quality time roaming the grounds of my alma mater. Ahh yes, how long has it been already? Two years! I can't believe my SPM happened two years ago!

That is, 365 days x 2 x 24 hours x 60 minutes x 60 seconds x ...

Never mind that.

Standing below the archway, I cast my glance across the horizon. All those moments we spent together on that field came seeping through my mind. Those times when Scouts activities were among the most enjoyable and exciting stuff I did in school. Our tedious and constant practice for marching for Sports Day. Nearer still, the open basketball court where that silly yet strong-willed bunch of us voiced our desire so affirmatively to continue practising even big, heavy droplets of rain were beating down upon us. And on those asphalt grounds were the familiar routes that we took during our 3U.

Behind me were the crowd of anxious and restless students, impatiently waiting for the release of their harvest. It did the magic. I thought back on that particular day when I shared the same fate as them, only to have escape a long and droning speech from several teachers announcing the good news. Good to have escape that during my year, really. Thought back about how I came later than many of my friends did and dreaded claiming that slip from my teacher. I miss that day, so much. You see, after you have left high school, your life changes almost dramatically. No more eagerly waiting for the school bell to ring, no more being afraid of spot checks, no more noisy sessions in class when teachers are absent for lessons, no more the roles of class monitor and assistant monitor, no more day-to-day homework, no more tension-filled examinations, no more cheating in class (an honest confession here :P), no more making a clown out of myself just for the sake of lightening the atmosphere, no more crowding around one person and pestering him or her to spill the beans, no more such days. Give a thought about it won't you? I've heard many people whining and complaining how they dislike their high school life and how much they wish to get past that stage. Not for me though. I wish I did more fun things during high school, I wish I had my naughtiest stories to tell to my children or grandchildren next time as I proudly show them my year book. It's simply the best time of my life. And those friends? You'll definitely not regret knowing them. I don't regret knowing all my friends in both the high schools that I had attended, I only regret not preserving that close connection we used to share. 

And why does this seem to be turning into a sentimental expression? :P

Just because two years have passed and I have seen my own reflection in the happiness and tears of these kids today, that doesn't mean I have grown old already. Mind you, I am still 19!

I refuse to be 20. HA-HA!

bummer

Gahhhh, bummer. My headphone is having some personal issues right now. The left piece is at war with the right piece. And the wire is electrifying itself inside out now.

Really? At this time when I need it most?

People are so used to their own belongings. So used to things that have been there ever since. So accustomed to how things are and hence assuming how things are supposed to be. Greaaattttt, now that my headphones have become a part of my daily routine, I myself would in no time be in conflict with myself. 

I NEED A NEW PAIR OF HEADPHONES. URGENT, PLEASE!

that's it, that's my heart

I love how movies move people's emotions. I love how movies can make me laugh even when I can't muster enough energy to twitch those muscles. I love how movies can make me shed tears like I never did in so long a time. I love how movies can make me smile wide open without any efforts of making the slightest sounds. I love how movies are able to provoke me and bottle up countless dislikes towards certain fictional characters. 

I think, movies that have the capability to do such things towards a person who is so physically distant and unconnected with the characters and yet so mentally and emotionally engaged, are A-class movies. Really. Maybe we should start a new award-giving ceremony to give credit to movies that make people cry most, movies that make people laugh most, movies that make people sad most, movies that make people angry most and so on. By then, viewers wouldn't spend any more money on voting for their favourite movies but will instead resisting their emotions when watching the movies that they do not want to see walking away with the award. Brilliant isn't it? :D

I love how movies make me wish for things that realistic people would deem it foolish or impossible. I know, movies are movies and I should not wish for anything more than what I have been blessed with. But well, sometimes it feels good being able to wish for something. It gives me hope, I suppose. :)

The new HZGG erupted a bottle of wishes in me, just like how a volcano erupts. I wish to be like 小燕子. I wish to have her optimism. I wish to have her innocent laughter. I wish to have her pure mind. I wish to have her passionate heart. I wish to have her mischief and fun-filled character. I wish to have her long hair. I wish to know martial arts like she does. I wish to have a weapon like she does. And then there's 萧剑. I wish to have a brother like him. One that could protect me from anything and everything. One that is and will always be there no matter in times of pleasure or difficulties. One that does not and will not allow  anyone to bully and hurt me. One that teaches me various lessons about life. If ever I would have my own children one day, I would want to have a son first, and then a daughter. That way, my son could and would always be my daughter's big brother. A big brother that she looks up to and always living in his protection. If ever I have my own children. :)

I bet Dali is a pretty awesome place. From the looks of it, there are vast green lands and pastures where animals are free to roam. Lambs, goats, cows, sheeps. That's why I love movies. They provide a place for imagination. Someday, if I have the chance, I would want to live life like 小燕子. Free of worries. I'd want a life like that. Simple yet joyful life. Everyday, I would bring the sheeps out for morning exercise. We would run side by side until our legs could no longer bear the weight. I shall rise before the sun rises and not leave before the sun sets. I would strum guitar to the lovely creatures and breathe in the freshest air earth could provide. I would ride a horse to the top of a hill, and then to another, and another, until I have conquered all the hills.

I wish to have a love like 小燕子. It may be a difficult journey, but I am willing to try. I wish to have a love that gives hope. I wish to have a love that is worth waiting for. I wish to have a love that does not give up even though there will be countless obstacles waiting ahead. I wish to have a love that is undying. I wish to have a love of 小燕子 and 永琪. :)

Am I wishing too much?

Okay, I am. But let these wishes remain where they should be, in my heart. I shall patiently wait for that one day where these wishes will come to me. :)

love of a thousand miles

So after more or less 3 weeks, I've finally came to an end of the 96-episode drama series. I really do not want it to end. I dread the arrival of the ending. :( Gahh, I wish I hadn't watched it so quickly.

Before I began watching this new remake I never expect I would love it so much. You know, that stubbornness of resisting new stuff just for the sake of your hardcore loyalty towards the original one. Yes, same case. I love the original series, the original cast, the original plot, and everything of this predecessor. Then at some point, guilt comes dawning on you and you are not even sure if you can fall in love with the new stuff. I guess?

Ahh, that aside. I love both of them. :)

Maybe a little more on this new one.

Here's what, I was so sure I shed more tears while watching this remake than I did on the original one. It truly moved me. Some people who knew of this classic series might reject its remake, but as a fan and one who have gave it a go on this attempt would definitely recommend it to you. Really, no regrets for it.

So, let's make a little comparisons.

The major cast.

And that of the original series.

Basically, this remake is actually a combination of all three seasons of the old series. And among those three seasons, the third one is the one I least favour. Sorry to say that though. =/ But there were parts that I enjoy too, just overall, it might be a tad bit boring for me.

This remake sums everything up. Initially, it would no doubt seem to be an exact replica of the original series. Nothing new, but there were additional efforts to twist and turn the story a little. And also more characters were introduced and therefore, more drama and complications. It's natural if you find it plain in the first few episodes but as you move further down the line, things get spiced up. It's definitely worth watching. :)

The ending, not too bad. But definitely could be better. Or maybe the director intended for it to be as such. I remember one of my lecturers once told me, a movie whose ending that is up to the speculation of public is a good one. No fixed ending, but up to the many guesses of the people. BUT I WISH HE DID MORE WITH THE ENDING! HEEHEEE

I so so so wanted to see a wedding for 小燕子 and 永琪. Very very badly indeed! And also 班杰明. It's pretty tragic for him. From the start, he was fighting a losing battle. Watching and caring for the girl he loves knowing that love will continue to go unrequited. If I were the director, perhaps I would include a '5-years later' thingy and then have a reunion session of the 十全十美 family. 10-years later also wouldn't be a problem. And then everyone will be coupled already, and with children! :D Then 班杰明 will return from that 大不列颠 country. And accompanying him will be his beautiful wife together with a couple of kids. Also, isn't someone forgetting about 柳红? She and that bearded guy were left as they were. No more mention on 柳青 and 金琐 as well. Oh well, let's keep our fingers crossed and hope that this series will have a continuous season coming soon. I have fallen head over heels with this bunch of cast. :D

Oh, and also 晴儿. I LOVE HER SUPER SUPER MUCH! The more I look at her, the more I find her the prettiest among all. She's the most gorgeous and demure creature I have ever seen! Pairing up with 萧剑 is definitely the perfect match. They're the second favourite couple of mine! :D

Then there is 含香 and 麦尔丹. Yup, the name's different in this remake. I have to say, he has better looks than the original cast. :P But then again, I think the original 含香 was more beautiful. Don't get me wrong, the remake one is beautiful as well. In fact, she has the face of a mixed parentage. It's just in my personal opinion, I think the original one looks more angelic, and sweet. :D No, wait, I like them both too.

Right, who else?

Oh, yes! I've never loathed a character so much as I do towards 欣荣. By right, she's the wife of 永琪. Too much details on that, but one of the saddest and most tear-provoking moments is under that part. How 小燕子 confesses her inner feelings and how fearful she was of losing the guy she loves so dearly. How helpless she felt and how vulnerable she was. How sad she was. Man, I cried most when she expresses those words to him. :'( 

欣荣 is just too darn bitchy. Everytime I see her on screen I feel like giving her a slap. Ouch. :P (Okay, I take back my words.)

Now that I'm done following so intensely on this series, I think I have just lost my sense of direction. You know that feeling when you wake up every morning and knowing you have something to look forward to? Crap, I think I just lost mine. That 'something' that I have been so used to looking forward to for the past three weeks is gone. Poof! Vanished in just one night. Nooooooooo!

That is why, I dread endings. For now, I'll just have to start hunting for that something again. Either it's the same something or a new something. I NEED IT.

Damn, I love the new HZGG more. No guilt, no guilt, NO GUILT!

to you who's not lost

People come and go in our lives. Some with good reasons, some with no apparent reasons at all. Some stay for good, some will leave you wondering why were they sent to you at all. So happened I met one of these people. I've heard stories of her even before I had met her. But never had it occurred to me that one day in the near future, she'd make such a huge impact in my life.

I've heard of her. She's strong, she's tough. Tougher than her looks tell, stronger than those around her expect her to be. She exhumes a sense of independence that calls for admiration. Her sense of humour, though often beyond absurdity, never fails to act as a source of entertainment. That ambitious mind she possesses, could easily break walls of barriers and march through fortresses of obstacles. Mature, because of her all-rounding consideration for herself and plans for her life ahead. Yet also naive, because of that unending quest for fun and enjoyment. Serious, because of her passion in what she has set herself into. Yet obliging as well, for her constant concern for those closed ones around her. 

Friends of mine have been completely baffled about us. About the reasons behind our closeness and our friendship. But you see, if others can be so puzzled, why not myself? I had not anticipated that such a bond would form between the both of us. But it has and I can never be any happier and more grateful about it than I am now. There isn't the need to wonder or be doubtful of the presence of such a friend in my life. Because even if I do so with as much effort as I could muster, it all comes down to the same conclusion. I have found a great friend, and there need not be a valid explanation behind it all.

I am grateful, I truly am. It's been a wonderful journey from strangers to being inseparable sisters. Yes, I do care for her very much. I care for her feelings. I am affected when she becomes upset. I am glad for her when she is in high spirits. When troubles come to greet her, I am here to listen. And vice versa.

She has turned 20 this day. Though separated by a vast ocean of miles apart, I am still here to celebrate and be joyous for the arrival of this day. I have no presents nor gifts that I could send to her. All that I want to tell her is I appreciate her very much for being a great friend to me. I hope for all those times we spent together, I had been a friend that you enjoyed having by your side. And that you still do. Though I have one thing to add, that is I am not sorry for all the lame jokes I said to you. :)

I know you well, at least to the extend that I am fully aware of. Don't dwell on the past of which hurts you. Instead, open your eyes and unlock that padlock to your heart. There are people around you who love you more than you could ever imagine. You'll understand my meaning. :)

And, even though you are in so very a distant place, do not forget you are never alone. It's your birthday, and it's the biggest day of the year for you. Never let anything spoil that fun  this day. Go buy a cake, drink champagne and get wild. Just not too wild. Make a wish, one that will happen in the future, not something from the past. Buy yourself something special, you deserve it.

Happy Dearest 20th Birthday to you. :)

You know who you are.

we are just that prompted

People care too much sometimes. Even if it's not up to us to concern for, we still do. Even if it's not our place to do so, we still do. Even if the issue at hand is fairly distant from us, we still do. Even if knowing that care would go unrequited, we still do. Even when it is not asked for, we still do. That explains for all the misery in the world. 

But people are people. And humans are still, well, humans. We have feelings that we can hardly control. We react to emotions just like an everyday thing in life. I would not be surprised to know if to not caring for someone would turn up as one of the top most difficult thing for people to do.

Sometimes, I wish I would care less. I do, really. Because when you care, you carry hope. When you care, you do so from the bottom of your heart. When you care, it is a sincere act and a natural tendency. When you care, you are actually putting your heart out there in danger. Even when you do not expect anything in return, which is what caring is supposed to be, there is the possibility of being stabbed in the heart when that concern goes unappreciated. Then it makes me think to myself, why should I even care so much? But this thought would vanish sooner than I had always planned and the caring starts all over again. Then disappointment and heartbreak and self-chastisement. Before long, your heart softens and you'll start caring again. It's obviously an unending cycle. And such a cycle is not one that is easy to break.

I cared too, perhaps a little too much. That's why.

where the flock of bird goes, I'll be there

Do you ever have that feeling of loneliness? That feeling of not belonging to a certain place  or within a certain group? That feeling for being the odd one? That feeling of looking at those around you and thinking, 'Am I even supposed to be here?'? That feeling of, not being the included one?

I guess we all experienced it somehow, sometimes. It's the sense of belonging that we lack. Or that I lack, perhaps. It makes us feel bad for ourselves. It makes us feel like a complete stranger. It makes us question ourselves. It makes us doubt the bond that was said to exist between us and those around us. It makes dejection surface. 

Then I thought, perhaps I'm a rolling stone. You know that saying of rolling stones that grow no moss? Yeah, I think I could be that for now. Until I find my very own belonging position, I'm still a rolling stone. One that keeps on rolling and rolling. One stop after the other. Perhaps it would be some time before that deciding moment comes. Well, I guess that very point for me is busy preparing for my arrival. Not a bad thing after all. At least I'm not covered with moss. :)

The phrase, "You are not alone" makes its meaning more significant now. 

underneath these depths

Quick! A word for this picture.

Narnia. :)

If there was a secret world as Narnia, I wouldn't mind having another cupboard in my room. If Narnia were real, I could be one of the four siblings or the youngest girl who ventured deep into the cupboard and loose herself in the midst of falling snowflakes.

I think people living in this world right now are often too realistic. We definitely lack imaginations, people! We are so cooped up with humanly issues that we forget how to have fun. A place like Narnia is exactly what we all need. A place where a minute in the real world is equivalent to a year in the imaginary setting. A place where creatures are not earthly creatures. A place where trees can uproot themselves and walk to another land to settle themselves. A place where carriages still exist. A place where kind-hearted elves are friends with talking wild animals. A place where summer is actually winter and autumn becomes spring. A place where the great palace is the only wonder on that land. A place where brave warriors ride on horses and protect the land. A place where fairies sprinkle stardust onto a wide expanse of blooming flowers. A place where harps are played to welcome princesses. A place where rainbow is an everyday sighting. A place, just for us.

Someday, I hope I shall find my very own Narnia. And I could ride a horse. :)

when all that matters is you

Sometimes I just want to be alone. Alone. By myself, you know. Alone from everyone else. Alone from all the questions that people will non-stop asking you. Alone from all the chattering and blabbering that fill people's lives every minute of the day. Alone from the eye sights and attention from those curious pupils. Alone from the small talk and whispering that occasionally arise the continuous pounding in our heads. Alone from the incessant noises and loud blaring from the many vehicles that are similar to an army of ant. Alone from the troubles have no difficulty in direct confrontation with people. Alone from the simplest query of what to wear or what to have for dinner to the complex one that baffles our minds so much with every attempt we undertake to understand it. Alone from the anxieties and worries that are bound to take the toll on us any time they are pleased. 

Alone, where my mind is free. Free to roam, free to think. Just free, you know. I could let it wander to the farthest ends of the universe or I could not do any tenuous thinking with it. I could come up with all types of solutions for every simple and sophisticated issue that I have to deal with. Or I could tell myself to not give a damn and let whatever happens happens on its own will. I could allow myself to be overpowered by the wildest thoughts that great inventors like Einstein could only produce or be subdued to a state of perfect stillness. I could perform a meticulous selection of the things that I wish to see, the things that I wish to hear, and the things that I wish to fathom. Or I could put all my senses on guard and welcome all things that come my way. I could choose to be, or not to be.

Sometimes, I prefer being alone. 

In a good way, rest assured. 

like a place in Scotland

Macaroons! 

And no, I've not tasted any of its kind yet. But soon, you'll see. :)

I've always loved English. Not the language that I mean, but the style. English style, English tea, English living, English houses, English people, English food, English china, English poetry, English literature, English stories, English movies, English places, and England!

Victorian style, or Elizabethan era or Katherina Petrova's period, I love them all. :D Don't even bother asking me the history of those eras and which one came first. I have totally no clue about it either. Sometimes when I watch Vampire Diaries and Pride and Prejudice, I tend to picture myself wearing those exquisite and so elaborately ornamented gowns, attending balls held at elite society's houses, accompanied by really fine gentlemen. Okay, even if one gentleman will do too. 

Call me old-fashioned, I think I'd very much enjoy living in those periods. I suppose I could do a month without my laptop, or a phone. Or maybe a week. Or less. :D Nevertheless, I'd still want to try! Lemme be Katherina Petrova for just that little while. :)

Sometimes, if not always, I think I imagine too much. I bet if I were to be abandoned on a wide expanse of lush green pasture, I could simply lie on my back from dawn until dusk and until the stars come out to greet the moon. I simply could. Maybe fall asleep for awhile, then get up and imagine some more. 

Without these helpful imaginations, I dare not think of how my life would be. :)

you have to be spontaneous for moments like these!

Let's play! :)

1. I'm doing good! :)

2. My life, especially my momma. 

3. The hair dye story momma and I share.

4. Avril Lavigne's Wish You Were Here. That's the first song that came to my mind when I read this. And because...well, the lyrics hit the bottom of my heart.

5. I...have...no...idea. :D

6. Was watching Huan Zhu Ge Ge. The new series!

7. Animal rights! Especially those poor creatures that people are so used to despising them!

8. I like snakes. :D

9. Until now, I hardly believe in it.

10. In a very complicated relationship with my thoughts and dreams and of course, movie characters. :D

11. It was a story that might some day become a tete-a-tete between me and my grandchildren.

12. When was last summer? Malaysia's always in summer.

13. 五阿哥 in the new Huan Zhu Ge Ge series! :D And Damon Salvatore, and Ken Duken, and Chuck Bass and of course Josh Duhamel! Yes, the one from Transformers. :D

14. Oh, this has got to me. Been listening to soundtracks from Titanic lately, and also soundtracks from Huan Zhu Ge Ge.

15. We went canopy walking together? LOL

16. No one, and because there were no reason for it. HA!

17. Perhaps, nah, can't think of any right now.

18. My decision for the future. If I could turn back time and if I could change what I have done, I would want to work towards my real dream and be somebody that I aspire to be.

19. Sorry! Have never been intoxicated! I'm far stronger than that! HAHA

20. God and momma. :D

musing aliases

I've realized that my name sometimes poses difficulties to the people who pronounce it. So it doesn't come as a surprise to me when people don't pronounce it the way it's supposed to sound like. And definitely not a surprise anymore that I've come across thousands of versions of my name's pronunciation.

Then I thought of my mum's name. And I thought to myself, perhaps I should have a short-form version for my name as well. Like Will, for William. Like Kate, for Catherine. Like Luke, for Lucas.

Mine could be, Claire? Or Laire? Or Aire? Or Air???

No, that sounds disastrous! 

On second thought, I think I'd prefer to stick with my name. :)

You see, no matter how many designs Starbucks have been thought of, there's one thing that have not and I think, shall not change for many more years to come. And that's the logo. Why? Because that's the name for it. It spells Starbucks even for young and old alike. It's what differentiates it from others. Same here, I'm proud of my name, and that shall never change. Sometimes I'm just curious why people want to change their names so badly. Personally, I think it's a gift. A gift from God and a gift from our parents. Mine is definitely a gift from God and a gift from my momma. So, never shall I change to something that I do not even know whether it suits me or not. So no, no, NO. :D

Why wait? Make that amazing thing happen! 

Because you are the amazing thing to yourself. :D

that girl behind the beautiful smile

I know a girl, who hides behind her smile. She does not know how her smile impacts the people around her. She does not realize how bright her smile can be. She is not aware how her smile may appear like the sun's beams to the greenery surrounding her. 

I know a girl, who lacks the confidence in having pictures taken of her. She has no idea how badly the person behind the camera wishes to capture that laughter she lets off. She is clueless of the value a single moment of hers becomes to a person. 

It is a normality to think of the flaws that we have ourselves. Yet, when we set our eyes too much or too long on these flaws that we own, we forego the uniqueness and special features that we posses as well. 

I wish to let her know that she does not need to be shy to look straight into the camera and out on her best smile. I wish to let her know that her confidence is what gives people hope even in the darkest hours. I wish to let her know that she has to be the first to believe and be convinced of her own beauty before anyone else can have the right to do so. I wish to let her know she's beautiful even if she does not realize it now yet. I wish to let every single human being on earth to know that they are special in their own way. I wish to let them know that they are beautiful.

You, if you are reading this, are as beautiful as you wish to be.

You are. You just gotta believe it.

genuinesmnity

Hypocrisy thrives everywhere. In workplace, in homes, in us. Whether intentional or unintentional, at some point, some where in our lives, we're bound to say this and do the other. Some people have become so used to such practice that they have no difficulty or remorse in doing so. I'll just call them seasoned hypocrites. I'm not directing this to anyone. It's just, for the period that I've been working in a corporate environment, even if it's only a tenth of the entire company, I could say I've been witness to such unintentional dishonesty. And I thought to myself, who could escape such a thing? 

Then there are those that meant well but they inevitably resort to this way. I bet people are bound to do it. Not because we want to but we thought that there are no other choices. Reasons for it? I don't want to hurt your feelings. I simply want to protect you. I can only tell you when the time is right. It's not what you think it is. It's not supposed to be this way. You weren't supposed to see it happen. I meant well.

To judge an act like this to be good or bad, that's definitely not the place for us. How can it be us when we ourselves succumb to it as well? But from an outsider's point of view, I've seen it happen, I've learned.

Let's be true to ourselves. Like Optimist Prime! :D

Stay calm and read Harry Potter. Or other books from Rowling. Yes, she's coming out with a new book. Not Harry Potter or anything about Quidditch. Let's just wait, if it's worth buying, I'll fork out those cash. 

No, I'm just gonna buy it. :D

into Mowgli's terrain

The weekend 14 days ago was the most pumped up one by far this year. For two days straight, I had activities planned out right before my eyes. After Saturday's concert at Stadium Merdeka, which was a pretty brief one and far from my expectation of a pop punk princess as Avril, I had another day ahead on Sunday that was definitely gonna be filled with more intense and muscle-provoking activities.

What initially turned out to be a mere proposition took no time in transforming into a planned event. What's more, there were more people attending that I had thought so. Quite reluctant at first but later receded to it. Besides, I was the one who went gaga over the idea of walking the canopy walk.

Yup, FRIM's canopy walk. A canopy walk should be one every human's must-do list before one leaves this place. You know, just go ahead and take in the beautiful scenery from a monkey's point of view atop a tree and not concentrating on how many metres high you are from the ground.

Sometimes I find that I'm pretty good at getting lost. Really. I woke up almost an hour later than I intended and being so groggy at that time, my mind was having a private conversation with itself of what time I was supposed to wake up. Good thing it didn't ask why did I wake up that early. :P

So it happened. I got lost again and everyone was sorta waiting for my arrival. Urgh, I felt bad enough already without you people staring at me. :P

The awkwardness was absent from my first face-to-face meeting with the silly Huei Yeng. I bet she's easily identifiable among the group for being the loudest of all. We hastily walked off to locate the ticket counter for the canopy walk. Well, that was the ultimate force that drew me to FRIM. 

The walk took, the whole morning. The canopy walk was new to me and I was super excited when I finally climbed up those stairs to the second level of the tower. I felt like a ranger already. :D

By afternoon, we had reached the point where we began. You know, sometimes the seemingly simplest thing is actually the most difficult to decide. Like, where to eat?

Man, I've always had trouble when people ask me this question. Don't ask me that.

Lunch, done.

Badminton, here we come. :)

Gee, how long have I stopped playing badminton? I know, I know. Laziness speaks louder here, I'll just keep my mouth closed tight! So the consequence for such intense sports after a super long hiatus? Extreme muscle ache the next day. And the day after. And the day after that. Ouchhhh!

FRIM canopy walk. Check!

I shall make a things-to-do-before-I-die list and this would be the first I'll check it! :D

Thanks a bunch mate for making this event a success. Psst, I only suggested, so no credit to me. :P

witness to a blessing in disguise

Behold! One of the biggest star and also my all-time favourite icon was in town a couple of weeks back. Who? 

None other than the pop punk princess Avril Lavigne! 

Yup, you heard it right. I never thought I would have the chance to see her performing live especially since the last concert I went to was not very long from this show. Of course, I knew how strongly the voice inside me was urging me to do whatever it takes to get myself to see her. Then there was also another voice, which is always the case, that persisted so badly against me going, especially when it comes to money matters. :P

I really do thank God very much. You may say it's luck, I would prefer to call it God's blessing. :)

Somehow, my entry for a particular contest was showered with God's love and blessing and tadda! I had to admit I was in quite a trance when I received that mail of congratulations. The sheer amazement and joy were gifts that cannot be bought by cash. I could just be the luckiest and happiest person on earth at that instant! 

Unfortunately, there were pretty upsetting accounts prior to that night of performance. To shorten the otherwise pages-long story, it was actually like that:

Early in the morning, I was so pumped up that THE day has finally arrived and hence, wasted no more time after breakfast to redeem my tickets. Who knew that the office was not opened on a weekend and of course, calling the office number had turned out to be completely futile. Immensely dejected and sad, I returned home and was just too disappointed to do anything much. Not to mention the flu has hit me yet again. You know, if momma is separated from me, I don't know if I can live my life the way I live it now. No, really. She immediately told me what I should do, this and that. In the afternoon, she drove us to the stadium and to make matters worse, the rain started dropping harder and in bigger drops than the ones before them. Momma did all the talking and convincing and pleading and everything she could. Fast-forward and the second time I was at the stadium was in the evening. Me and bro could only cling onto the hope that the people had settled it among themselves and would give the tickets to us. It turned out to be a far cry from being easy. They refused our pleas because they say "it's not them handling my contest." Then momma came as well, because I told her I might be able to get another pair of tickets. So for almost 2 hours, we waited, and waited, and still waited. This guy, Ferhad, I'll never forget his kindness and generosity. Despite all the complications that had dawned on us and him, he gave us 3 tickets and made our night the happiest ending there could ever be.

Two things momma said that had been ingrained in my mind.

"Blessing in disguise."

I think so too. Momma said the ultimate lesson of the entire day. All the hard work, all the disappointment and suffering, all the hopelessness, it comes down to one thing: Perseverance. I know it's a test from God. There's nothing in life that is easy and free. But if you continue to keep going and not give up hope in yourself and most importantly in God, He will shine the way and lead you to you goal.

"I will fight for your tickets."

When momma said it to me, I realized at that instant that even if I do not get to attend Avril's concert, I would not regret it. Maybe momma would not realize it but those words meant the world to me. They make the tickets seem unimportant. They make every bit of energy from us worthwhile. They make me a daughter who can never be prouder of her mother. They make everything look so minute. They make love the ultimate winner.

Yes, even if we do not get the tickets to go on that night, I would not regret it. I know I wouldn't. Because after all, I've seen what a mother's love can do to her children.

Thank you God, Thank you momma. :)