autumn's falling

Hey people! It's August already! How quickly time flies, doesn't it? This time last year, everything was different. Just within a year, so much has changed. So much, I might even be caught off guard had I not been in the midst of all these.

Mum's BACKKK!!! Yes, from Hong Kong. It was barely a full week and I've started to miss her in the first few days. Gee, just imagine if I would study overseas or something like that. 

Anyway, today is the last day of the first week of August. I actually had this plan for this month's 29th but then, you know how people say "man proposes, God disposes". Yeah, that's kinda exactly how the situation is like now. I can't be 100% sure about it but it seems as if the chances of it happening are pretty high. Even a 50-50 is enough to put me off guard. So let's just hope I would be able to make it by then. =)

You know, it's a good thing to save your chat history. I do that, all this while. And today, I just opened our old conversations and read through them. I only managed to read half of them but it was more than enough to get these eyes watery. Those words we said, those promises we exchanged and those memories we shared between us, when compared to the situation right now, it's just, crashing. Like, emotions crashing down. Like, your heart crashing down. Like, me, crashing down all so suddenly. 

"we always end up well"

"if not we also won't be how we are now"

I suppose we did. We always manage to make things right after an unfavourable event. Always, even though it may take days to be on perfectly good terms again. 

*pause*

How did we end up this way?

This plan, this thing that I want to do for you, for one final time *if ever*, I don't even know for sure the reason behind for doing it all. One minute, I was so sure and so determined to get it down no matter what because that lingering hope and faith are the hidden driving forces that keep me going. Yet, when I was so absorbed into these works, I started to question myself. So much that I become doubtful of myself, of my feelings, of everything. Why do I do what I did? Should I even continue it all? Do I even dare to imagine how the outcome would be? 

I don't know. I really don't. But I have come so far, too far to even take a step back and have second thoughts about it. Perhaps it is what my heart tells me to do.

"my heart points to you"

Now I could only whisper, "Mine too, mine too."

Only you know the meaning behind this. I miss us. Truly.