the job of an usher

Strangely, it doesn't feel the least bit like I'm welcoming a brand new year. I do not feel the rush of adrenaline that I think I should be feeling on the 31st December of every previous year. I am not that excited as I would used to. I had not thought of any plans to usher in the new year. No countdown or any such thoughts. It feels just the same.

But still, it's all about new beginning right? 

I guess the reason I'm feeling so different and so, um, you can call it indifferent if you want, is that I'm no longer in high school anymore. No more getting ready for the first day of school, wondering which teacher will be teaching you what and what. No more getting used to waking up early a week prior to school reopens. Stuff like that you know? Maybe because now that's I'm in college, everything is just different. 

Sometimes I surprise myself too.

I greet people Happy New Year without really feeling the enthusiasm it should have. When my mum asked us to do our New Year resolution, I'm afraid to say that I actually do not know what resolution that I want to achieve next year. All this while, my resolutions have been achieving straight As in exams and all academic-related aspirations. Not now, not this time. No idea what to expect, what to anticipate, what should I set for my resolution.

Oh well, not fretting or what. It's the end of the year and the start of another anyway. Just voicing out anything and everything. ;P

Anyway, Happy New Year 2011 people!

=)

the turning point is surprising

Having a nice long talk with a friend is fun. =D

Oh yeah, spent almost the whole of today accompanying that birdie Lim Wei Ming to Times Square to get his spectacles done and then indulged ourselves in stories from each other for hours continuously in Vivo. Or was it Viva the pizza restaurant? I forgotten. Oops. xD

We should have more of such talks! =D

Things are just getting better now. =)

you never cared, i was never in

I find giving unrelated titles fun. ;P

Ohh well, definitely not a good start to the last week of 2010. 

Before 

After

I've always 'fancied' the yellow sterilize thingy, not until I have it on my own knee now.

Yeah well, mum insisted that I go to the clinic for a checkup. Not just because of the injury though. I um, kinda, sorta, blacked out for awhile this noon. Yikes, I never liked that feeling ever since the first time I've experienced that. 

Blood pressure, blood count, everything perfectly normal. Um, just a lil increment in white blood cells. And you know what, I guess I'm prone to gastritis now. =(

The doc said the wound is quite deep. And I wonder why did it turn black. Mum said it was congial something. Ahh, forgotten the term. I've been feeling so not myself for the whole day. Groggy and slow. Yes, slow. That's not something that a person like me ever wants. 

I really dislike menses. 

That's why I agree that, guys should never assume girls to be weak until they've experienced menstruation and pregnancy.

And idk if I've got enough time left to cram in all those HISTORY!

I need to feel some holiday mood. =(

gleeful meaning

It just came to my mind that the song "Last Christmas" is highly relevant for me this Christmas. =)

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special


<3




=)

everything happens for a reason

I've been awoken by the loud banging on my bedroom door just to ask me to fetch my uncle from Singapore from the KTM station. Gee, I wasn't even fully up yet man. Ahh, groggy, sleepy.

And I had a super long talk with my cousin bro, Jonathan. =)

It's been such a long time since we last met. Ahh the old times. =') He has grown so much taller! I almost mistaken him as my uncle. And I thought, why is my uncle so much younger? LOL

It really reminded me of the time we spent when we were little. When my uncle and his family came to our house during CNY and stayed for a few days. And I could still remember there was once when I even cried after they've gone back to Singapore. Pretty weird huh? And how innocent we were when we had fun together. Me, bro and Jonathan. 

I miss us.

a Christmas story told

Happy Christmas everyone!

Something sounds unusual in that is it? Oh yes, people normally say Merry Christmas and not Happy Christmas. But, to those who have watched Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone would know that Ron greeted Harry "Happy Christmas".

Um, anyway, mum actually SUGGESTED and BROUGHT me and bro to Look Out Point to have our Christmas dinner. =) Yes, it was a surprise to me due to the fact that it was mum who warned me not to go there as she thought it was quite secluded and therefore dangerous for a girl my age. Saying me, very directly. And now you know why am I so surprise that she is now the one who said to go there. Surprise, surprise. 

I actually like proving people wrong. You can call it fun.

Super packed there and that proved me wrong instead. Ouch, backfired. Oh yeah, I 'assured' mum that it won't be so packed that fast and, urgh, screw it. 

Oh, the food, costly. Like, super super costly! Well if the food is delicious then I might say it is worth what it costs but it was the other way round. So really, we weren't that satisfied with the food but like mum said, she enjoyed the time spent. But, seriously, to me, I wouldn't say it is worth a single bit. Worse still, we didn't know, I mean, I didn't even know that parking uphill costs 3 bucks more than parking downhill. Dude, what's the matter man? Does anyone feel duped right now?

But one thing that we all agreed was nice was the hot lemon tea. *eye roll* Oh, and for me, maybe the mistiness which made me feel like I'm at Genting. ;D

But at the end of the day, we still thank God that we have the privilege to spend on such tidings. At least we are way more fortunate than others. Thank you dear God. =)

Pretty cool huh? It has a lighting function as well which makes it even cooler. And blame it on my business and forgetfulness *mostly*, I didn't manage to buy a Christmas gift to exchange with that. And I feel so awful. =( I know it isn't that necessary or needed but promise is a promise. And that's why I feel super guilty for not fulfilling that promise. I am so sorry. But nonetheless, thank you so much. =')




Happy Christmas everyone! 
Thank God for everything in life right now. Thank God for giving your son to save us from our sins. Thank God for Jesus Christ. I love You.

tidings of comfort and joy

You know, sometimes I tend to think that I can be quite matured for my age. Maybe because of the circumstances I've been put under or maybe because I'm just the way I am.

And there's a lot going on in my mind. Isn't it too much for an 18-year old to have to bear with all this? But what makes me think that I do not have to be responsible for my own future? Hey, I guess that's the reason for it. That I've all along been hit by the realization to be responsible for my own future, and thus, making plans and all.

I just pray to God to give me insight. To give me directions. To open ways for me.

And I pray that everything will just work out on its own even though it's not how I plan to be. God help me please.

I shall not think too much but live everyday as it is. Cause I believe in God. And in God I will have my strength. =)

tis the season to be jolly

It's the time of the year again. Gee, time flies doesn't it? This time last year, I had just finished my SPM. I just like saying it you know. =D

Oh, and it's Christmas time! =D

But honestly, I actually do not feel as hyper as I sound now. But of course, I love Christmas! Praise to God. =)

Maybe it's just, things have not been normal for the past week and that's when my mind starts being clogged with assumptions and thoughts that only I have the ability to let them breed in there. Get what I mean?

Paranoid.

And just when I find that parents can be paranoid- perhaps over paranoid at time-, I guess I'm no vast different from being that as well. 

Because it really scares me when things seem out of the ordinary and when absolute silence consumes us whole. And it does make me feel like I'm under the control of circumstances and not the other way round. If only girls wouldn't think that much or worry excessively and unnecessarily, I wouldn't succumb to this. I don't even want to be victim of  worrisome. 

But it's Christmas. Aren't we supposed to rejoice? It's the birth of Christ. I know I may not be a good and filial Christian, but I do very much believe and have faith in Christ. So it really is the perfect time to rejoice, be grateful and thankful and, praise the Lord. =')

Merry Christmas!

And it's the time when I enjoy Christmas carols the most. =D Ahhh, reminds me of the play "A Christmas Carol" last semester. =')

right, doesn't mean right always

Right, guess I've been MIA for some seriously long time here. Jeez, when was the last time I blogged man?! Oh no, unacceptable! So anyway, I feel like my days are passing by, um, slowly. Idk, seriously. Lately, everyday just doesn't seem like the day itself. Maybe I've even lost count of the days.

Been feeling kinda off colour these couple of days. Maybe it was partly our faults, maybe I myself couldn't really get over it and just accept it as it. Maybe also because it's almost similar to something else, as in, some kinda metaphor thing? You know, that feeling when you want that day to be perfect and it just did until something crops up and spoils everything. That frustration just boils inside you know.

Or can I blame it on PMS?

Oh, and btw, I'm afraid to say that I might be fueling more interest in film studies/cinematography/anything to do with films and losing out in journalism. Oh yeah, frustration, disappointment and guilt then and now the fear and uncertainty. And you know what, I've been scouring the net for undergraduate course in film studies abroad. Not to mention another to be considered in financial wise. And when I start to fantasize about me studying abroad but restricted with this issue, I also ponder and sometimes envy those people my age who do not have to worry a single thing for their further education. Their parents have all the money that they needed to support their children's education. I mean, they really do not have to worry about anything at all! Seriously, I wonder what do they worry about man. And sometimes I just think, why are they so damn lucky but we have to go through all these just for our own education. But then again, elderly always say, especially mum, to be grateful for what we have; do not compare ourselves with those more fortunate/richer but if really want to, compare to those less fortunate. Well of course, it's damn easy to say but for a person with my age, it's not that easy. Hell, of course I want more with my life. I want an education abroad, I want to study what I have in mind. But things are just so difficult sometimes!

I guess all I can do is just pray to God and work my way there.

*sigh*

Life should be a hell lot easier than this.

make it through the rain

Oh, semester 2 have just begun. Yesterday. It was not really great for the first day. At least it wasn't, to me. We only had MMH i.e. Malaysia Media History for both lecture and tutorial. Haven't got the chance to meet our lecturer for ECS though. 

But I guess MMH was more than enough for me to bear with throughout the whole of second semester. 7 weeks, mid-sem exam after Christmas break and finals at the end of January. See how packed it is? And how awfully hectic? 6 tutorial questions already given to us for each of the coming week and honestly, I am still not quite sure whether this subject is about Media History or Malaysia History. Oh, and not to mention the assignments; one being a presentation and the other is a video presentation. Thank God there's only 2 assignments.

Now you know why it wasn't a good start.

But I'll survive. Yes, I will. I believe I will. God is with me. I believe. =)

Keeping my fingers crossed that I'll make it through this semester SAFELY.

Oh, gee, I guess this CNY will be the biggest relief that I shall be looking forward to throughout this semester.

a resuming chapter

Holidays are gonna end at 2359 hours tonight. Semester 2 is gonna begin at 0800 hours tomorrow. Jeez, I still do not feel the enthusiasm for the beginning of a brand new semester. I wonder why.

I had some seriously weird dreams last night. 4 different dreams in total if I'm not mistaken. And one of them, is that, I went to New York alone on a free ticket. I told mum about it. ;)

Anyway, I guess my mind can't seem to take a break from all these after all. It just has to process something huh?

Oh, and I've been thinking of putting a bolster in my car. I know, this is totally random. But, I've really been thinking about it. I've been hugging my bolster a lot lately. And that explains my want for a bolster in my car. Can I?

Oh yes yes yes. This should be about my new semester tomorrow right? Hopefully I'll be able to wake up early tomorrow morning and not miss the class. Gee, I hope NOT. *touch wood*

So a brand new semester. All new subjects. New lecturers. New schedule. New stuff to do. New this, new that. Great.

It's gonna be hectic. A lot more busier starting tomorrow.

But it will be great. I believe it will. I'll hold onto the 4 principles above. ;)

God bless everyone. =)

if only it's still puberty

Cookie Monster! =D

Oh no no no no no, this shouldn't be a gleeful post. It should be injected with guilt and remorse. Yes it should. Oh wait, should it? 

Jeez, I feel like I've bee3n stuffing myself with food lately. Like, LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of FOOD! SOS. Someone help me. I strongly need immediate assistance with my diet right now. Oh, why hadn't I thought of becoming a dietitian? That thought really did hit me a few days back. ;)

Pizza yesterday, Thai food today. *burp* I actually pity my digestive system. =( I should give it a break. A long break. Yikes, so much thanks to you with all the- though I hate to admit- good food. So I guess I should probably drag you along to help me lose some fats. Yikes.

*sigh* If only eating doesn't cost weight gain, how nice would that be.

Better get my ass off and start working out a plan. Oh, we need to jog. Oh, and I did not realize the park opposite my condo is that, um, natural? LOL. I shall jog. Oh boy, please make me do it. =(

home alone for christmas

Home Alone is the perfect movie for this season. 

Ahh, I'm so in Christmas mood right now. =)

Oh, and sorry. I just fell in love with Kevin McCallister's cuteness. =D

Isn't he cute then? =)

Ahh, I miss watching Home Alone. I remember when I watched it with my bro years ago when we were still little, we got the idea of setting up so-called traps like those in the movie in our playroom. Um, failed though. =/

I'm gonna finish watching Home Alone 3 and 4, though many comments are negatives.

Still, Kevin McCallister! =)