#AliveTourTheFINAL

Hey there, I dreamed of you last night, Jiyongiie oppa. :)

#AliveTourTheFINAL

I won't give up. :)

just another open question

So recently, I've been following this Korean drama on TV. It's called Queen Inhyun's Man, also known as Queen and I.

The story is just only developing and though I have gone a few episodes ahead from what is shown on TV (with good, solid reason :P), it basically revolves around the lives of a becoming actress and a man of the past. Ahh, I do enjoy films with such storylines. Time travel and that sort.

But then while watching tonight's episode on TV, it just hit me with such an unanswerable question. Well, I guess this question already popped up last week when my mum and I were conversing about this drama. You see, when you watch this kind of movie, it makes you think. Well, unless you prefer not to have any exercise for your brain as you indulge in your sweet movie time. But still, I have come to accept the fact that none of my body parts can be still enough not to notice such things.

Right, so what has been bothering me (not) is that is it even possible to have two separate worlds coexisting together? I know, I know, it's all fiction and made-up by brilliant minds. No such thing can happen in the real world. The past is the past, there is nothing we can do to stop or change time. Ah, just think about teleporting (is that the word?), Hermione's time-reversal-thing (forgot what's it called) and THIS.

Then I start to wonder, if really two different worlds, with different times can exist simultaneously, how would the lives be? Could it be that one world is transparent from the other and even when they are walking side by side, the people from this world will not be able to see those from the other? This applies on when you put yourself in the shoes of a viewer: when you are watching this scene of the present world, is life still going on in that other world? Oh wow, look how this trail of thinking can go?

They say it is an impossible thing in the real world, but then when these things get to you, wouldn't you wonder what is real anymore? :)

Psychic.

Swag!

:D

Anyway, I think it's just amazing how scriptwriters and producers can come up with such awesome ideas. Ah, I need more sharpening to be creative like this! I guess that is one of the reasons why I enjoy watching movies. Well, it gives me yet another reason to be glued in front of the idiot box. :D

By the way, I love the main actress- Yoo In Na :)

She's so pretty and cute. Like, really. I adore her already. And have I mentioned that she's part of YG Family? Oh yes. :D

Hwaiting YG Family, and me! :D

YGF, for real

Hello blog. 

I'm having one of those feelings of sudden urges to blog. You know that sort of condition when you feel like you're suddenly thrown into a turmoil and forced to think about all that is happening to you, and about your life. Ahh, I'm having one of those dreadful moments now. What's more, the sentimental feeling is with me tonight and perhaps with my added drained-body, I am feeling it all the more.

Yesterday got me so depressed. Depressed for some petty and unreasonable and possibly the most absurd reason other people might think it was. But still, to me it wasn't. Don't you just find it frustrating enough when you are absolutely being serious about something and yet those around you do not feel the same way? Well, it is okay of course that others do not feel alike as we do but really, it can get to your nerve when others think you're joking when being serious and vice versa. Oh my, how can I only get it across to people that I am perfectly serious with this 'life's dream' of mine?

Anyhow, I am fine with nobody believing that I am serious with it. No problem at all, really. :)

So much for this lament. Uh no, it isn't lament, really.

I think I'm a person that gets easily affected with some particular issues. I mean, I don't get all upset over ever minor detail but more like, when the issue at hand really means a lot to me or if I can really see myself being what I envision, then not being able to do so kind of turns my world upside down for that while.

Ahh, am I really such a person?

 Please, enlighten me.

It is kind of freaky when I am thrown into this kind of situation. It gets me all sober or regretful, super down for reasons that should be reasons in the first place and upset and so not being myself. I totally wasn't feeling myself last night. I knew the cause to it but it was the solution part that made me so uneasy the entire night.

So I kept tweeting to this friend of mine about me being extremely depressed and then continue to remind myself that I should be so even when I was preparing myself for bed. Gee, how does that make me appear really depressed?

So sorry for all my weird behaviours.

I know my thinking can be real wild at times. Or all the times, to some people. Have you ever pictured your life from another person's perspective? Have you ever thought long enough about how you can make your life so different from what you have always expected it to be? Have you ever wondered what if you are to take a completely unrelated direction with your life now? What if I do this? What if I join the audition? What if I drop out of university and fly to another country to chase after this dream? But then, what if it doesn't work out? What if I do not succeed?

They have certain sayings about thinking and overthinking and whatnots. I guess I never remembered any of those.

Still, let me put it in my own way: Thinking leads to overthinking and that is what kills you (or me).

The logic is, when you think, you don't just stop there right? All the doubts and what-ifs come crashing into your mind and that makes it the 'overthinking' stage. So once there, you continue to think and these additional thoughts scare you even more so. Ahh, that's when the real damage takes a toll on your confidence level and all the 'What have I been doing in my life?'.

What am I saying?

Oh my, I am not making the slightest sense.

Hmm.

Still, when all logic and sense fail, it is faith that I rely upon. Because none other reasonable means can make me feel better or give me hope. It is only faith that I now strongly hold on. Faith builds and that needs time. I do not know what these thoughts will lead me to but I believe my prayers are heard and will be answered. I just have to hold on tight to this faith and never for once let go. Cause if I do, all is gone.

I'm just talking to myself again, which I always do, to try to make myself fell better after all the depressing things I have said and thought.

Ahh, my life!

This 'life's dream' -as what I name it- will remain a secret that no one will know of. Ah well, to that friend whom I 'depressed about my depression', what you knew was only part of the icing. Yes, part of the icing, not even whole :P

Still, thank you for finally showing the qualities of a good friend, after all the years of knowing me! :P

I believe, and have faith, that one day, not too long away, this 'life's dream' of mine will come true. I have not figured out how, but when I have finally achieved it, you'll know about it.

Dear Lord, you know my prayers and you know my heart. I ask, and pray that You will open doors for me. Prepare myself for what is ahead and let me not regret on what I have decided on. I thank You for this strength and Lord, I pray that You will bless me with stronger faith in You. Amen.

“Everybody, fight for your mountains, and trees. 
They are Beautiful.” 

—	Tablo, GDA 2013 interview

pulling off red

Ahh, I can be so very indecisive at times. 

No, I think I am always so indecisive. If you knew me well enough, you'd know how long a time I can take just to decide on what food I want to order after flipping through the menu for the hundredth time. 

But this time is even more so. One moment I'm thinking, 'Ah, I'm just gonna change my hairstyle for good after so long of sticking with the same hairstyle. Besides, it's a new year and I'm going to be 21 (not that I'm really thrilled about it. Man, that means I'm one year older already!). So, why not?' and, 'Oh, I'm also going to dye my hair red, because it's the very colour that I have always wanted. So yes, I'm gonna chop off my long hair and take on a redhead!'

Then the next day, I'd be like, 'I think I don't wanna cut it short. I'm so gonna regret having my long hair. And what if dying my hair damages it even more? What if I can't regrow my original hair colour? (for I love my original hair colour so much I can just kiss it all the time. HAHAHA) And most of all, what if the result is not how I want it to be and I would not look good in red?'

Ah, you see, all the doubts and what-ifs. We can be so skilled at pointing out such doubts when they happen to the people around us who are in dilemma or faced with a difficult decision. Yet when it comes back to us, how many of us really ponder over the things we have said to others that can't be applied to ourselves? Oh my, the hesitancy in me.

I suppose this is one of my biggest weaknesses. I truly believe it is.

Inborn? 

I don't know. None in my family seems to have it to such an extent except for me. HAHAHA

Hair is really an important feature for girls, at least it is so for me. Some can really cry their hearts out days after they've made a drastic change on their hair. Well, which is what I am planning to do. Not the crying part though, mind you. Hopefully I wouldn't even need to descend to such a state. 

Nonetheless, I've now made Dara my inspiration. If she can be so daring with her super unexpected hairstyles, then I believe I can be so too. :D

Still, adjustment needs time. And I need quite awhile for this alteration to happen as well. So till then, let me get used to the idea of post-hair-cut-and-dye. When I finally get it done...well, we'll see. :)

Park Bom style?

Hyun Seung style?

Or Jiyong style? :D

Ahh, doubts doubts!

Happy New Year people!