a calling from the heart

There are many things that we want in life. Money, I guess, would be most people's top list. Education, especially in poverty countries and those who do not have the privilege to receive free education just like we do (Not really free though). Fame, perhaps, for those who seek glorious reputation and to have a legacy to imprint on the society for years, or centuries to come. That's true, all souls living on this earth have things that they openly declare their want and also things that they secretly long for, knowing the bumps and lumps ahead may just be more than any one person can simply handle.

I am no different, really. I do have many wants in life. Not all are known to people. I mean, you really need to keep some secrets to yourself, isn't it? Or else, where would all the fun be? :)

Sometimes I do envy people who have the added advantage and means to do what they love to do. It is not the mere determination or perseverance I'm talking about. Those, I believe I do not deprive myself of. Well, we do need that confidence speaking once in awhile, don't we all? :)

Of course, I am well aware that I should not be envious or long for something that others have that I don't. Okay, that just makes me sound so ungrateful. 

My bad. :P

I love Peyton. Man, I mean, I've always loved her ever since my obsession on One Tree Hill began. :)

I think it's just the same as that. You, I mean, we all have to grab every opportunity that presents itself to us to do the things that we want to do. Yeah, not everyone is lucky as the son of a rich manager or the princess-like daughter of a loving parent that is willing to fork out every single penny for her travelling expenses all around the world. No, not everyone is as lucky as that and not everyone has that means. I don't, for one, which is why I said I would sometimes envy these people. It isn't right and fair to judge and to come to a quick conclusion that these people are free to spend whatever dollar that they can with a swish on their wallet-filled credit cards, I know that. 

But there is something else that I know too. Although for the time being, I may not have the ability or privilege to just go full on ahead and do the things that I would really give up my time to do, it doesn't mean that's the end of it. Perhaps, the time is just not right. Yet that doesn't deter me from continue to want and to work my sweat off for it. Just believe and have faith that the day will come when you, and I, can truly support ourselves to do all the things that we have wished to do.

My to-do-list is still going strong, and still counting and taking on more things. Well, they may not be done within this couple of years but you know what they say, expect the unexpected. I always love unplanned and unexpected stuff, they're the best feelings that one can ever get. Well, at least for me.

Hehehh, this is cute. :)

And I still think I'd prefer sky diving over bungee jump. AT LEAST FOR NOW. :D

when the leaves are brown and the sky is grey

You know, I was reading an article on Huffington Post yesterday about how happy people are and what can unhappy people do to become like them. Now if you come to think of it, it can be quite ridiculous yet ironic. Of course, an article like that is a useful and perhaps helpful one to some people. But that's not how I saw it.

What was the impetus that triggered the need for such a study by scientists? Why was there even a need to see how happy people actually are? What was implanted in these brilliant minds to note that people are unhappy and that they need help to become happy? Really, is it just me or that the world seems to becoming a pretty depressing place to live in?

Alright, or maybe it is not the place. Maybe it is the things that occupy these spaces. Maybe it is the things that surround the occupants. Maybe it is the things that have never stopped growing in numbers ever since humanization that continue to blind people from the sheer and simple meaning of being happy. Yes, simply being happy.

It seems to me that people nowadays do not find happiness in what they do. Perhaps they feel forced in doing what they do. I don't know, it could just be as simple as not finding the meaning in all that people do now. They do what they don't like and they don't do what they like. And then they say it's the circumstances that push them to such a decision. It is not as easy as it's said. It is not as simple to just switch to a job that you like. It is not so carefree to just ditch all your responsibilities and take the next flight to Los Angeles, or New York or Yellowstone to spend the night staring hard into the lonely starry night.

And why are all the places named are from the States?

Jeez.

They say happiness is in your mind.

(They did, didn't they? I'm sure they somehow did. :P)

And they say quotes are the words of truth. 

(Well, I said it. It still counts.)

Surely, I am not implying that I am always a happy-go-lucky person or someone that can easily shrug off all the depressing thoughts and don a new coat of smiley faces and jumpy mood. No, everyone has the ups and downs in life and so do I. And even though you may have endless problems hitting hard against your door doesn't mean that your problems are bigger and more important than mine, or anyone else's for that matter.

All I am pointing out is that, we need to realize how saddening the people of these days are becoming (sometimes myself included). But let's not gt defeated by it. God has made us way tougher and stronger than to be knocked down by the things that He gave us power over. It is not easy, nobody says it is. But really, if you lose happiness, you lose everything else. Because only when you find happiness in what you do, you find meaning, you find joy, you find hope and you do it with love and passion and sincerity and all that matters to you.

Take a plunge.

Shut the eyes and drown out the darkness.

The next time you open them, welcome only the light and happiness.

It's still a beautiful world. :)

the meaning in waiting

Right, so here I am, returning to this private refuge of mine after such a long drought of updates. I know, it's me, it's all totally my bad. I can't even remember what was the last thing I talked about and I don't even remember how long I have chucked this blog away. But you see, in the end, I always come back to the place where words are better typed than spoken.

It is true.

Mid Valley is having a Nikon exhibition/roadshow sort of thing and this is just like an early Christmas gift to me. Only that it is just a gift to the eyes and not physical enough for me to have it in my possession. Not mine to buy, not mine to have it (yet).

One of the reason I never stopped this part-time job was because of this- Nikon. You can judge me all you want, but that's the least of my concerns. Really. Yes, I do not deny that the trend is getting a lot more cliche and how hypocritical I would seem to be for I used to judge others in the same negative light. I believe in working hard for what I truly want. Of course, sometimes you get a little sponsors here and there. But have you really thought about how different it would make you feel when you finally own something that you have worked your ass off for?

It is the satisfaction and the sheer sense of accomplishment that cannot be obtained or achieved if your efforts are not more than half of what that something is worth.

I visited this Nikon exhibit right away after my work. People were crowding over each and ever available space and I could not even get any nearer to the counters even when I have circled the entire enclosure. But what good would it do me even if I could get my hands all over on D5100 and taking random shots from it? Reality hits, and it hits hard. I was totally aware, and I am that no matter how close I am to these adorable gadgets, I do not have that means to really negotiate for an agreeable price and actually paying it and welcoming it into my life. No, it would not happen that, not any sooner still. 

You know what people say?

'So near yet so far.'

Cliche, but that's just how it is.

I am saddened by this truth. And from this sadness, it ventures into envy and other nonsensical thoughts, which I am absolutely aware of but still allowing some leeway just for the sake of it. Sometimes it just shoots right into my mind, like a jackpot, you know. These thoughts, these silly yet realistic lines of thought, pop up endless questions about all the whys, why-nots and if-onlys. 

I know it is never right to envy, because what would be left of contentment? And I know sadness is not the way to be, because where else would hope go to?

If you are not getting me, then lemme say this clear. Lemme wallow in my self-pity and I shall stop doing so when this sentence has its end.

There, said it, and that would be it.

My sadness doesn't last longer than the length of each blog post on its own. If the world is throwing all its mountains and checkpoints and valleys on me now, they would not bring me down, for I have my Lord. Well, perhaps He wants me to wait for His own gift. Who knows, it could be a better Nikon than all I've ever though of. :)

And I'll never stop any effort to earn what I want in life.