gone, yet again

17th March 2010

Wednesday

Dear God, sometimes You make life so difficult. One second, I was jumping with glee, thinking that I have already made up my mind to which college and even started day-dreaming about it since yesterday. I even imagine how it would be if I were to stay in the on-campus hostel. And how nice it would be to be taking a double major course. I have been thinking about it since yesterday and can't stop thinking bout it all day. I was just so excited about the whole thing. I almost had everything planned out man.

Yet, the next second, my fantasies were all shattered. You brought me joy, but just for that little while. And not even for me to realish it. And so fast, so quick, You took it away already.

So now I have to either choose Taylor's or HELP, according to my mum. Because of what her colleague told her that Taylor's and HELP are definitely better than SEGi. At first, I was still okay with it. I mean, her colleague telling her stuff and snatching this dream away from me. But the more you told me about it, the more I felt indignant, crushed. Why do I feel like I've ben tossed around these past few days? Just like a rolling stone, never ceased to move. I know my mum's intentions are good, wanting the best for me. But I have opted for the double degree ADP in SEGi and not just because of the scholarship. I was interested with that programme and I still am. And you kinda left me with no choice when you said you can let me study at SEGi if I still insist and I might regret later on. Why is everyone making me so guilty for what I wanna do? Gosh. ='(

I'm so tired of this.

I was feeling so sick since this morning. And got even worse after you told me what Joyce told you. And never got worse when you said I can't be so stubborn and not consider other choices as well. I guess I'm always the stubborn and disobedient child to you.

And yeah, suddenly I was finding for food to stuff myself because I was so disappointed. But thankfully, I just managed to have some biscuits. And yeah, I'm not feeling well, as in, flu and probably fever soon. And still eating biscuits. You know what? I don't care.

Imma off to sleep.

I was praying to God that He would open ways for me so I could get a scholarship and do this double major.

I'm crushed. I have no words.

xoxo