we are just that prompted

People care too much sometimes. Even if it's not up to us to concern for, we still do. Even if it's not our place to do so, we still do. Even if the issue at hand is fairly distant from us, we still do. Even if knowing that care would go unrequited, we still do. Even when it is not asked for, we still do. That explains for all the misery in the world. 

But people are people. And humans are still, well, humans. We have feelings that we can hardly control. We react to emotions just like an everyday thing in life. I would not be surprised to know if to not caring for someone would turn up as one of the top most difficult thing for people to do.

Sometimes, I wish I would care less. I do, really. Because when you care, you carry hope. When you care, you do so from the bottom of your heart. When you care, it is a sincere act and a natural tendency. When you care, you are actually putting your heart out there in danger. Even when you do not expect anything in return, which is what caring is supposed to be, there is the possibility of being stabbed in the heart when that concern goes unappreciated. Then it makes me think to myself, why should I even care so much? But this thought would vanish sooner than I had always planned and the caring starts all over again. Then disappointment and heartbreak and self-chastisement. Before long, your heart softens and you'll start caring again. It's obviously an unending cycle. And such a cycle is not one that is easy to break.

I cared too, perhaps a little too much. That's why.

where the flock of bird goes, I'll be there

Do you ever have that feeling of loneliness? That feeling of not belonging to a certain place  or within a certain group? That feeling for being the odd one? That feeling of looking at those around you and thinking, 'Am I even supposed to be here?'? That feeling of, not being the included one?

I guess we all experienced it somehow, sometimes. It's the sense of belonging that we lack. Or that I lack, perhaps. It makes us feel bad for ourselves. It makes us feel like a complete stranger. It makes us question ourselves. It makes us doubt the bond that was said to exist between us and those around us. It makes dejection surface. 

Then I thought, perhaps I'm a rolling stone. You know that saying of rolling stones that grow no moss? Yeah, I think I could be that for now. Until I find my very own belonging position, I'm still a rolling stone. One that keeps on rolling and rolling. One stop after the other. Perhaps it would be some time before that deciding moment comes. Well, I guess that very point for me is busy preparing for my arrival. Not a bad thing after all. At least I'm not covered with moss. :)

The phrase, "You are not alone" makes its meaning more significant now. 

underneath these depths

Quick! A word for this picture.

Narnia. :)

If there was a secret world as Narnia, I wouldn't mind having another cupboard in my room. If Narnia were real, I could be one of the four siblings or the youngest girl who ventured deep into the cupboard and loose herself in the midst of falling snowflakes.

I think people living in this world right now are often too realistic. We definitely lack imaginations, people! We are so cooped up with humanly issues that we forget how to have fun. A place like Narnia is exactly what we all need. A place where a minute in the real world is equivalent to a year in the imaginary setting. A place where creatures are not earthly creatures. A place where trees can uproot themselves and walk to another land to settle themselves. A place where carriages still exist. A place where kind-hearted elves are friends with talking wild animals. A place where summer is actually winter and autumn becomes spring. A place where the great palace is the only wonder on that land. A place where brave warriors ride on horses and protect the land. A place where fairies sprinkle stardust onto a wide expanse of blooming flowers. A place where harps are played to welcome princesses. A place where rainbow is an everyday sighting. A place, just for us.

Someday, I hope I shall find my very own Narnia. And I could ride a horse. :)

when all that matters is you

Sometimes I just want to be alone. Alone. By myself, you know. Alone from everyone else. Alone from all the questions that people will non-stop asking you. Alone from all the chattering and blabbering that fill people's lives every minute of the day. Alone from the eye sights and attention from those curious pupils. Alone from the small talk and whispering that occasionally arise the continuous pounding in our heads. Alone from the incessant noises and loud blaring from the many vehicles that are similar to an army of ant. Alone from the troubles have no difficulty in direct confrontation with people. Alone from the simplest query of what to wear or what to have for dinner to the complex one that baffles our minds so much with every attempt we undertake to understand it. Alone from the anxieties and worries that are bound to take the toll on us any time they are pleased. 

Alone, where my mind is free. Free to roam, free to think. Just free, you know. I could let it wander to the farthest ends of the universe or I could not do any tenuous thinking with it. I could come up with all types of solutions for every simple and sophisticated issue that I have to deal with. Or I could tell myself to not give a damn and let whatever happens happens on its own will. I could allow myself to be overpowered by the wildest thoughts that great inventors like Einstein could only produce or be subdued to a state of perfect stillness. I could perform a meticulous selection of the things that I wish to see, the things that I wish to hear, and the things that I wish to fathom. Or I could put all my senses on guard and welcome all things that come my way. I could choose to be, or not to be.

Sometimes, I prefer being alone. 

In a good way, rest assured. 

like a place in Scotland

Macaroons! 

And no, I've not tasted any of its kind yet. But soon, you'll see. :)

I've always loved English. Not the language that I mean, but the style. English style, English tea, English living, English houses, English people, English food, English china, English poetry, English literature, English stories, English movies, English places, and England!

Victorian style, or Elizabethan era or Katherina Petrova's period, I love them all. :D Don't even bother asking me the history of those eras and which one came first. I have totally no clue about it either. Sometimes when I watch Vampire Diaries and Pride and Prejudice, I tend to picture myself wearing those exquisite and so elaborately ornamented gowns, attending balls held at elite society's houses, accompanied by really fine gentlemen. Okay, even if one gentleman will do too. 

Call me old-fashioned, I think I'd very much enjoy living in those periods. I suppose I could do a month without my laptop, or a phone. Or maybe a week. Or less. :D Nevertheless, I'd still want to try! Lemme be Katherina Petrova for just that little while. :)

Sometimes, if not always, I think I imagine too much. I bet if I were to be abandoned on a wide expanse of lush green pasture, I could simply lie on my back from dawn until dusk and until the stars come out to greet the moon. I simply could. Maybe fall asleep for awhile, then get up and imagine some more. 

Without these helpful imaginations, I dare not think of how my life would be. :)

you have to be spontaneous for moments like these!

Let's play! :)

1. I'm doing good! :)

2. My life, especially my momma. 

3. The hair dye story momma and I share.

4. Avril Lavigne's Wish You Were Here. That's the first song that came to my mind when I read this. And because...well, the lyrics hit the bottom of my heart.

5. I...have...no...idea. :D

6. Was watching Huan Zhu Ge Ge. The new series!

7. Animal rights! Especially those poor creatures that people are so used to despising them!

8. I like snakes. :D

9. Until now, I hardly believe in it.

10. In a very complicated relationship with my thoughts and dreams and of course, movie characters. :D

11. It was a story that might some day become a tete-a-tete between me and my grandchildren.

12. When was last summer? Malaysia's always in summer.

13. 五阿哥 in the new Huan Zhu Ge Ge series! :D And Damon Salvatore, and Ken Duken, and Chuck Bass and of course Josh Duhamel! Yes, the one from Transformers. :D

14. Oh, this has got to me. Been listening to soundtracks from Titanic lately, and also soundtracks from Huan Zhu Ge Ge.

15. We went canopy walking together? LOL

16. No one, and because there were no reason for it. HA!

17. Perhaps, nah, can't think of any right now.

18. My decision for the future. If I could turn back time and if I could change what I have done, I would want to work towards my real dream and be somebody that I aspire to be.

19. Sorry! Have never been intoxicated! I'm far stronger than that! HAHA

20. God and momma. :D

musing aliases

I've realized that my name sometimes poses difficulties to the people who pronounce it. So it doesn't come as a surprise to me when people don't pronounce it the way it's supposed to sound like. And definitely not a surprise anymore that I've come across thousands of versions of my name's pronunciation.

Then I thought of my mum's name. And I thought to myself, perhaps I should have a short-form version for my name as well. Like Will, for William. Like Kate, for Catherine. Like Luke, for Lucas.

Mine could be, Claire? Or Laire? Or Aire? Or Air???

No, that sounds disastrous! 

On second thought, I think I'd prefer to stick with my name. :)

You see, no matter how many designs Starbucks have been thought of, there's one thing that have not and I think, shall not change for many more years to come. And that's the logo. Why? Because that's the name for it. It spells Starbucks even for young and old alike. It's what differentiates it from others. Same here, I'm proud of my name, and that shall never change. Sometimes I'm just curious why people want to change their names so badly. Personally, I think it's a gift. A gift from God and a gift from our parents. Mine is definitely a gift from God and a gift from my momma. So, never shall I change to something that I do not even know whether it suits me or not. So no, no, NO. :D

Why wait? Make that amazing thing happen! 

Because you are the amazing thing to yourself. :D