So, it's the final day of the year and just 2 hours and a half away from 2013. Ironic though; despite me saying that the year is ending very soon, I still do not quite feel the 'something' of this whole ending and beginning. Really, the reason I used 'something' is because I could not find the right word to describe what that something is. To say it's the 'feel', it does not really imply it. To say it's the 'atmosphere', I do not seem to think so because the word itself makes me think of celebration and my 'something' is not at all about the whole celebration thing. To say it's a form of 'reflection', it is still the more unlikely because, I don't know, reflection of this past year (not even past yet) does not seem to be so significant compared to previous years.
And therefore, I still could not find the perfect word to describe my meaning.
This 'something' could just be a combination of all, well, except for the celebration part. It's more like an impact, a force, something that strikes you hard that you'd go, 'Oh wow, it's the end of another year and a new one is dawning upon me.' That kind of 'something', you know.
Right, I'm talking Greek.
But I think it is necessary that a degree of reflection on the entire year be done, though of course, this whole thing seems a little too cliche-ish. But still, I suppose it is the time of the year where people would just take a moment out of their busy schedules and think about all the things that they have done, the things that they have achieved, the things that they resolved to do in the year before, be it done or not, or perhaps some little, or huge mistakes that we wish for ever more not to have committed.
People have always been talking about new year's resolution at this time of the year. This year's not exceptional either. My mum asks me about it, and my pastor does so to. Well, before I graduated from high school, my new year's resolution was surely all academic-oriented (not that it's not so now). You know, they were like, 'Oh, I wanna get straight As for SPM' and things like that. They were just that clear. I don't think they ever needed much more thought than from the surface. Then college years came, and suddenly everything felt like being through a total makeover. It even came to a point where I did not even know what my resolution should be. Everything could be so vague and so misty for awhile.
Sometimes it terrifies you, don't it?
At least it is so for me.
I think I am a person that is okay with uncertainty but when there is too much that I do not know of, perhaps that is where the worrying begins.
I guess?
Why don't I have a close friend that studies psychology? Like really, I could have those personality or psychological (not to test mentally-related illnesses) tests for free. :P
New year's resolution was something that seems to be a 'must' last time. But not anymore for now.
Or I just don't feel the same.
When people ask me what is my new year's resolution for next year, I honestly could not answer this question. So please, understand my situation and don't ask. :P
That aside, I believe this year has been quite a fruitful year to me as well. Let's see, I got through two degree semesters this year without failing any subjects, or close to failing any (thank God for that). And though I may be a little anxious about this semester's performance, all I can do is just to hope for the best and have faith that God will bring me though. :)
What else? Oh, and I'm really proud and glad to say that I am now a true Christian. It's not that I did not believe previously; I just wasn't sure what I believed in and where I stood. Honestly, people used to ask me questions like, 'Are you a Christian?', 'Why do you have a Christian name but do not sit for the Chinese paper exam?', 'Do you celebrate CNY?'
You know, I believe that there is this misconception living among us. Firstly, let me explain this: Not all Chinese students sit for the Chinese paper in PMR and SPM. Those who sit for the papers are usually Chinese-educated and that means, simply knowing how to speak Chinese doesn't mean you will have to sit for the exam. I know there may be people who do not understand this but I hate to admit that this question can be really irritating at times. You just get sick and tired of people asking this seemingly common knowledge.
Okay, vented. Apologies for any offence caused. :)
Ahh, Gi Kwang. :D
So back to the topic: I did not know how to answer such questions because I wasn't even sure if I was a Christian. But to keep it short, I am clear with myself now. I know I am a true Christian now and I know that my faith lies in Christ. :)
Oh by the way, I do celebrate CNY. Just for the record, in case you have those meant-for-short-lived thoughts of not giving angpaos to me. :P
This year also saw our friendship grew. Yes, growing doesn't necessarily mean everything is heading into a good direction. No, to me, I think that growth in friendship means having more understanding about the bonds that we form. This understanding may not stem from a positive source, it could be the cause of something unpleasant but still, it's because of such happenings that we come to see clearly who we are and who we fill our surroundings with. I think that's growth. :)
We had our fights and arguments, bickering and teases, cold wars and harsh comments and we saw each other's weakness. We also had our share of laughter and joy, playful times and moments, long hours of hard work together and most importantly, we seem to have turn those assignment struggling moments into a period of shared ups and downs. Oh yes, and added the Big Orange into our list of directory. I mean, seriously, by the end of our degree, we could just come out with our mini directory booklet, with the Big Orange and both the Paris towers as main emphasis.
Might as well include this achievement into our resume. :D
Lastly, one huge turnaround for me this year (as mentioned before), was my surprisingly new interest in Kpop. Oh damn, it sounds so unlike me just by mentioning it. Oh well, change that impression you have had of me before. :P
Ah yes, it's not just an interest now. I'm afraid to say that it has wrecked havoc within me and transformed into a much more wild and unrestrained fervour. Don't make me go into details, for I dare not think of how this would end. :P
Just know that: #G-dragon #bigbang #beast
Ah, what a year, really. We make history yet again. So who says only important people make history? We are history creators ourselves too. My, that leads me to say, who says we can't do great things too? :D
Isn't it amazing when inspiration comes flooding into your mind in the midst of blogging? Yes, just perfect. :)
Nonetheless,
HAPPY 2013 all! :)
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