the meaning in waiting

Right, so here I am, returning to this private refuge of mine after such a long drought of updates. I know, it's me, it's all totally my bad. I can't even remember what was the last thing I talked about and I don't even remember how long I have chucked this blog away. But you see, in the end, I always come back to the place where words are better typed than spoken.

It is true.

Mid Valley is having a Nikon exhibition/roadshow sort of thing and this is just like an early Christmas gift to me. Only that it is just a gift to the eyes and not physical enough for me to have it in my possession. Not mine to buy, not mine to have it (yet).

One of the reason I never stopped this part-time job was because of this- Nikon. You can judge me all you want, but that's the least of my concerns. Really. Yes, I do not deny that the trend is getting a lot more cliche and how hypocritical I would seem to be for I used to judge others in the same negative light. I believe in working hard for what I truly want. Of course, sometimes you get a little sponsors here and there. But have you really thought about how different it would make you feel when you finally own something that you have worked your ass off for?

It is the satisfaction and the sheer sense of accomplishment that cannot be obtained or achieved if your efforts are not more than half of what that something is worth.

I visited this Nikon exhibit right away after my work. People were crowding over each and ever available space and I could not even get any nearer to the counters even when I have circled the entire enclosure. But what good would it do me even if I could get my hands all over on D5100 and taking random shots from it? Reality hits, and it hits hard. I was totally aware, and I am that no matter how close I am to these adorable gadgets, I do not have that means to really negotiate for an agreeable price and actually paying it and welcoming it into my life. No, it would not happen that, not any sooner still. 

You know what people say?

'So near yet so far.'

Cliche, but that's just how it is.

I am saddened by this truth. And from this sadness, it ventures into envy and other nonsensical thoughts, which I am absolutely aware of but still allowing some leeway just for the sake of it. Sometimes it just shoots right into my mind, like a jackpot, you know. These thoughts, these silly yet realistic lines of thought, pop up endless questions about all the whys, why-nots and if-onlys. 

I know it is never right to envy, because what would be left of contentment? And I know sadness is not the way to be, because where else would hope go to?

If you are not getting me, then lemme say this clear. Lemme wallow in my self-pity and I shall stop doing so when this sentence has its end.

There, said it, and that would be it.

My sadness doesn't last longer than the length of each blog post on its own. If the world is throwing all its mountains and checkpoints and valleys on me now, they would not bring me down, for I have my Lord. Well, perhaps He wants me to wait for His own gift. Who knows, it could be a better Nikon than all I've ever though of. :)

And I'll never stop any effort to earn what I want in life.