back hugs

A high school friend left for UK. People are leaving. Things are changing. Feelings are, suppressed.

Then I saw those pictures. What a pity. There is not a thing except that single piece of photograph that speaks for all that we had. Then I wondered, how would it be if my worst fear would come true? Perhaps it will, but I just never expected it to be so soon. Because I know, and I'm aware, of the glimmering hope that lies within, that somehow, I still have a place of importance. It's blinding. Those pictures were. Like when you stare directly into the shining star called sun, like when the flash of a camera shuts your eyes for that split second, like when you refuse to give way to the burning tears. 

So the vision came again. That feeling when your lean hands were wrapped around my waist. That feeling when your breath is upon my neck. That feeling when your warmth subdues the coldness all around. That feeling when your lips whisper into my ears. That feeling when your heartbeat channels to my back. That feeling when the spaces between our fingers are filled. That feeling when the words you speak are made into promises. That feeling when nothing else in the world matters. That feeling when all is understood. That feeling when you let me know I'm all that you need. That feeling of back hug, is all I need now.

I want to experience summer. They say it's the time of the year when love is all around. When all is carefree and energizing. But then, I think I've got enough of heat from my living in this country. Autumn is what I have always loved. The leaves changing their colours for the last time. Walking along a dirt path lined on both sides with tall trees. Beneath each footstep is the crunching sound of dry leaves. Touching every inch of your body is the windy breeze that have you wrapped your arms around yourself. The time when deep contemplation is done. The time when realization comes. The time when all is peaceful to you. 

Jump shots are awesome. But then, there were times that jump shots didn't turn out to be jump shots. They were either ready-to-jump shots, squat shots, hands-in-midair-but-feet-only-inches-off-the-ground shots, or standing shots. When you're at the highest point, and that moment is snapped, that's when everything becomes crystal clear. For now, the ladder leading me to the peak is still shaky. The pang of doubtfulness and fear are barricades for now. Until then, the feelings will not change.

Lyrics are there for a reason. And for me, they help me relate. When a song clearly describes your state of emotion, then so naturally it becomes your theme song for that day. 

Let's survive.