through the lens of purity

Yesterday was a day of importance in Malaysian history. Being a part of it gives me the greatest pleasure and honour of all. They used to say that we, students and young people shouldn't be involved in such matters. But look, the truth is that we, even though you may think us naive or easily manipulated, are the citizens of this nation. We live in this country and that makes us all the more responsible to be concerned with it.

It started off as a normal day, at least it was for me. But it did not take long for me to feel the spirit building and burning up within me, even though I was out of bound of the growing crowd in the heart of the city. The utmost feeling that got to me was that I actually felt proud to be among the young minds that are ready to stand up and fight for what is right. Yes, it all comes down to righteousness. 

I guess I've never had such strong feelings towards a matter as this before. Last year, I watched video after video of the same event that took place for the same cause. It was the first time I've heard of such a thing in this country and definitely by watching how it turned out to be, it gave me chills. Of course, I was quite terrified and I actually found it pretty scary and risky. Yet, it was through such times that I have learnt what this is all about. This time around, that fear does not stand a chance in my mind nor in my heart. I have understood the reason behind this effort and all the hard work and hope people have put in to achieve a common goal. This time around, I know what I am supporting for, I know which side I am on, and I know what I should know.

It's really sad that I had not gone to the actual venue yesterday. I wish I had been persistent and invited a group of other friends who would be up for it so we could have a day of true spirit and strength. Being burned with tear gases and blasted by water canons is definitely not a decent feeling, for most people, I perceive. Do not think me insane or anything worse than that, but honestly, I would really like and be willing to be there on scene and experience how it would be like when that truly does happen. Yes, it will hurt, but without knowing the pain it inflicts upon you, you will never truly understand how it feels like. At least that's the closest circumstance to a war zone you'll ever experience. It is not being ungrateful for the peaceful and war-free place I live in, but if being on scene to take it all in could mean understanding the life in a turbulent country then I would gladly trade my otherwise uneventful day for an experience like that. You can call me crazy if you want, but I would still try it until I personally know how painful it will be. 

Let's be grateful, okay? :)

The next time around when it takes place again, you bet I'll be among the first to say yes to it. :)


I've been hunching in front of my laptop for the entire day, reading and watching videos on what went on yesterday. It gets all the more interesting when you once studied media literacy and now able to differentiate between the left-wing and right-wing media. Youknowwhatimean.


This video really got to the bottom of my heart. I know, I surprised even myself when all of a sudden, emotions overpowered me and tears began streaming down my cheeks even before I could determine the scene of heartache. I don't know, perhaps it was just by watching these people standing strong and unafraid of the troubles ahead and lending hands to those in need and still refusing to bend down even when pushed to the edge. By the end of this video, I really feel all the more regrettable for not going. Mehhhhh :(

A huge thanks to the one who made this video. You made my day. :)


I am truly proud and glad to be among the people who stand up and not afraid to fight for what they believe is right not just for themselves but for the country. Thank you for inspiring me. Thank you for showing that our strength and unity are all that we can rely on. Thank you for being the proof of humanity and compassion. Thank you for showing that we are one.




#bersih3.0

what the world will never know

I just realized how mysterious clouds can be. They are there, for all to see. But not every part and not every detail that is available for our eyes to feast on. It is only the mere surface that we look upon. Yet, behind these fluffy pure white cotton and beneath layer after layer of folded white linen, something resides there. Scientifically, it is only vapour. Simplistically, it is just more clouds.

I think I am just like clouds sometimes. Mysterious, secretive. Perhaps it is in my nature. Perhaps I have been living a life that is so accustomed to it. I don't know. Perhaps.

I do tell people things. Things about myself, things about my life, things about my past, things like my dreams, things I like, things I enjoy doing, things I hope I can do. 

Maybe more often than not, I do not see the need in telling people about things. Anything at all. I listen when my friends tell me about the ups and downs that they have been through and are going through. I listen when they share their joy and sorrow with me. I listen when they turn to me for a patient ear or a willing shoulder to lean on. I enjoy listening to the bits and pieces of their lives. Perhaps that is what stopped me from sharing so much. I just don't. 

And I don't see it as a bad thing either. :D

I could just be used to keeping things to myself. :)

it's called PAST for a reason

You know, some people don't really live their lives to the fullest. In each and every one of us, we are tied to the past, the present and the future. There exists a bond between us and each of those stages. Every single phase is a part of us and has its own significance to the following path. 

Some people have a joyous past. A past that has been led well and that bears no regrets. A journey that has been trudged with every ounce of sweat and effort mustered. It is just as similar as looking through a photo album that has all records of moments that make up a person's happiness. 

Some people are not so lucky. They may reflect on their past and think to themselves, "I wish I had been wiser than that", or "I wish my life had not turned out the way it has now." Yes, some of us have walked a road that have not been lighted. Lost and confused, regrettable and guilty. 

But I would not personally call it unlucky. Have we not learned from our mistakes? Have we not experienced the bitterness that life could throw at us? Have we not realized that we might have ignored and brushed aside advices that meant us well and indulged on those that have misled us instead? Have we not gained more strength and courage while struggling to stay afloat, survive and rise above the wreckage? Have we not grown so much more in maturity than we used to be?

Sometimes, or more often for some others, our past can cloud us from the right judgement for the present and the future. Our past can blind us from the goodness that we deserve and have the right to fight for. These shadows of the past can dwarf our courage and shroud our daring heart to take another step, to take another risk and to take another hold of what we desire in life. Because we have been made timid. Yet, it isn't supposed to be the way.

What went array in the past does not mean that it will happen again in the future. It might, but what if it might not? 

I remember Peyton Sawyer from One Tree Hill said to Brooke Davis, 

"What if it works out?"

Very often, we get scared of the negative. Perhaps it's our instinct that warns us of the worst that could happen. Yet, do you not think that it might be secretly hinting at us that there is another positive end to it? Our instinct may only be preparing us for the battle ahead, but many of us may just mistake this forewarning as a prevention, as a move that we are not supposed to take in a game of chess. For all we know, it could be the wisest form of advice for us. For all we know, it is actually telling us, "Be ready for what lies ahead, it will not be as easy as swishing your wand and disappearing items from your sight or as easy as having the smartest student in the school as your friend and turning to her for solutions. No, it will be far more than that. If you insist on continuing, just know that I have warned you in advanced. But if your decision is made on finishing this chosen path, then you have my best wishes and blessings, for only the brave will not be intimidated by boulders of troubles but will push with full force ahead and break through all that holds him back. And you, my friend, I am glad you have such a courageous heart. And I can be no prouder to be your inner voice than I am now."

You may be haunted by the past, but don't allow it to haunt your future anymore. You're worth more than that. 

Remember that. :)

PAST = Put Aside Sorrow Thoughts

I've come up with it myself. :)

i want to see through those darkened shades

Second semester has only begun and only a week has passed. But here I am, having endless thoughts and advanced plans that are yet to be executed for my next 4-month semester break, which will not be until the next December. I know, it's quite a distance from the present but you just have to understand a person who possesses a restless mind. :)

I've long wished to partake in programmes like work and travel or work and volunteer. And when a sudden desire like this emerges, I become so engrossed in researching and getting to know all about it that I find my heart all into it already. 

The more I browse through the many websites and all things related to each specific programme, the more I want to take control of my life from this instant onwards. I have plans, I am ambitious, I admit. Even if some tasks seem impossible to achieve right now, it doesn't mean you would not get nearer to them. I believe so myself that as long as I do not allow them to leave my sight, there is still a chance for me to pursue what I really want to do in and with my life.

Yes, sometimes I do question myself and wonder how different my life would be had I taken another step. It's just the same as a game of chess. You can either move a knight or the bishop goes forward. Whichever you chooses, it will open an unfamiliar door and lead you to a life you have not expected or anticipated. Likewise, so did I. I'm now not even halfway through the chosen path and doubts have begun encircling me. That is why I want to take control of my life even more so. I chose this path and I will have to finish the journey. I will not turn back because it would not be worth it and it would simply mean that I'd have to miss out on the opportunity of having beautiful things dawning upon my life. Let's have some more optimism, won't we? When I have completed this journey, I shall embark on the one I had not taken. May God bless my wish. :)

I still love science. I still pertain my wish of having one day be able to work closely with animals. I still keep in mind and in heart to be like Donald Schultz, travelling around the globe and making contacts with people and animals from all walks of life. I still have that one dream, that one which I will never allow it to fade from my sight. For now, it will stay inside me. Only me and God know. :)

You are not much different if you are facing or have faced a similar situation as myself. Do not give up hope, for giving up is not in your blood. Charge yourself up with optimism and hope. God has much better plans ahead for you and me. :)

named be it the City of Waters

Looking at something like that and not wondering about such wonder works is truly a wonder to me. Yes, I just wonder a lot. Or too much, sometimes. But if I do not wonder, then it would add another wonder to the already existing wonders in the world. :D

I make wonders wonder. :D

Imagine how can a place become like that? Having the bottom of so many buildings submerged underwater. Main means of transportation being gondolas manoeuvred by colourfully dressed gondoliers. Every lane and every alley is transformed into a flowing river bustling with marine traffic.

If we have taken a few moments from our every day lives and ponder upon a subject as insignificant as so many people assume it to be, then wouldn't we all appreciate our mother earth more? And wouldn't we all see from our hearts how God's creation has been amazingly done? I'm sure it will, and we will see life even more beautifully than the day before.

I was wondering the name of this place. I thought of it first as Rome. But all my mind has of Rome is the Coliseum and corroded ancient rock buildings. Then I forwarded that thought to Italy. Maybe because the gondoliers have touches of Italians. In case I have got it incorrectly, then let me just call it the City of Waters. It sounds so much grander also by the way. :)

You really don't have to point out my poor geographical knowledge. I'll absolutely stream it into my wisdom cells before you even know it. I will. :D

an angle not balanced

So there I was, reading Jane Austen's Mansfield Park. I was only halfway through but it was already enough for me to sense where the story was heading. Fanny, whom I take her to be the leading character or the protagonist, is actually a girl who has been sent to live with her rich aunt and uncle in Mansfield Park. Up to where I have read, it told of the life from Fanny's perspective. It becomes more interesting when a writer tells a story in this way. Not plainly narrating the lives of characters but actually relating to the readers as if we are the characters themselves. That way, it brings us closer to them and make them relatable to us. 

We feel what they feel and experience what they experience.

Fanny has four cousins, and only one of them, Edmund, has stuck with her through thick and thin and have been like a biological brother to her. But this sounds all too familiar already, doesn't it? As time goes by, feelings surface and either you choose to confront it or you suppress it and bury deep beneath the bottom of your heart just to protect that bond that has become too precious to lose.

It becomes even more difficult and challenging when you have to swallow hard on those strong feelings towards the person whom you favour while becoming a witness to a flourishing romance between your adored one and another. From the descriptions of Fanny's feelings, I could say I am able to understand and feel what she feels. I mean, I can relate to them.

Such a situation has never been more familiar in anyone's live before. If you haven't, well, it's not that hard to imagine either. You feel like an outsider, having fanciful feelings for the one person who only treats you like a friend, or a sister, a brother. You would not acknowledge the existence of those unexpressed yet budding attraction because you would not even know they are there yet. But it will all come to surface when a third party comes into play, because that is when unpleasant feelings start battling up with the decent ones. It gets you all confused and self-conflicting. The longer this continues, the deeper the wound conflicted. Unhappy. But what right is there to be unhappy?

Emotions. They really can be a troubling and tiresome impediment indeed.

But then again, what good is there anymore in this world if there aren't emotions? :)

Watched The Hunger Games? 

That's right. Just like Katniss and Gale, and then there enters Peeta.

Just that situation. 

Cause I'm now all about #thehungergames. :)

You can have my love, I have lots to spare. :)

the life i live in body, i live by faith in the Son of God

"When he had received the drink, Jesus said, 'It is finished.' With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit." -John 19:30

Today was the day that Jesus died on the cross for us. His blood cleanse our sins and henceforth, we have been saved.

Today is Good Friday. 

This year's Good Friday brought new meaning to me. I have now understood what this day signifies. I have come to know the reason behind the celebration and remembrance of this day. I have finally realized the importance of this day to all believers of Christ.

"The life I live in body, I live by faith in the Son of God." -Galatians 2:20

Let us all remember and put to heart that Jesus sacrificed himself to save us all from our sins. We should not only remember what He did for us on this day but for every single moment in our lives as well. I am glad and proud to be a child of God. :)

The bread is his body, and the wine his blood.

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me." 

Happy Good Friday to all! 

Thank you Lord for giving your precious Son to die for our sins. Thank you Lord for your great and unfailing love to your people. Thank you Lord, for being my wonderful God. :)

be the icing atop the cake

Two things; I watched Top Chef: Just Desserts last Saturday night and read an article in entertainment section yesterday. 

I don't really follow Top Chef but because I stayed overnight at momma's place that night, it was my one and only escape. Being a reality show itself, it can appear pretty frightening and unbelievable at some points. Not the tasks that they are required to perform, but more of their off-task personalities. I've seen with my own eyes how some people can be so frank with their words and thoughts, if not being overly-honest already. You know, throwing ugly comments straight to their faces and bad-mouthing other contestants when being interviewed. It got me wondering, don't they care about what the viewers will think of them? Their friends, their family members or even their employers and colleagues. The whole nation will be watching their conduct and how they carry themselves and they couldn't even care less about their image.

It is common that we often see the mistakes and flaws in other people very much quicker than we see them in us. And that will automatically lead us to speak words that can be damaging not only to the affected persons but to ourselves as well. When it happens, those words would lash out like spears fast as lightning before our brain can plan what are the should-say and what are the should-not-say. 

Then emotions interfere, like they always do and will always do. They play with your brain, trick it and distract it until the mouth responds quicker than itself. When the heat dies down, these emotions are like strong waves calming down after a storm. They come with great might, engrave their names upon your heart, be it anger, frustration, vexation, sadness, disappointment or threatened, and before you even have time left to reflect upon it, they leave you hanging there all by yourself. What follows afterwards will either be complete indifference or utter mortification. It's a cycle, isn't it? Everything is always a cycle.

But don't be nothing though. Because you are not nothing, you definitely are something. You just cannot submit to being something that is unfavourable, because there is something that is favourable in everyone. Be that favourable something. If that makes any sense.

Hollywood can be mean to people, sometimes. Really they can. That was what I read from the article. I've came to know about this Worst Award thing even before this. Never been a huge fan of it, more like the opposite in fact. I find it kind of mean. Look, why would they want to pinpoint something like that? Wouldn't it be disgraceful to you if you were to be presented such an award? How can anyone be happy and proud to walk up those glossy steps and receive an award for being the worst actor or actress or coming up with the idea of the worst movie ever?

I pity them. I pity Adam Sandler. I like Adam Sandler and because Hollywood made Jack and Jill the history-breaker for bagging all the Worst Awards of this year, I'm just gonna say, "Hollywood can be real mean, sometimes."

Let us all be nice and decent to people, can we? :)

There should be a petition for people all over the world to sign for Hollywood to abolish this Worst Award thing. There should be!

spring reaches

April, be good to me, for you are lovely and kind. :)

The beginning of a new semester. And no, I've not fooled anyone on the first of April because I totally forgot about it either.

Well, need to be geared for all that's coming my way.

May the odds be always in your favour. Or so it sounded. #thehungergames

she sang of a daughter's lament

Got through the first day of second semester. Having gone through such a long break and seemingly an endless separation from a bunch of close friends, and returning altogether apiece and exchanging interesting stories and those details of what had happened in each other's absence got me thinking of something. 

I wonder what would the experience and lifestyle be like to be living away from home and sharing a roof with other people that you have not even known for more than a year. College and hostel and stuff like that, you know. I see friends that travel all the way from the south of Peninsula to pursue an education in the heart of the city as well as those that have the northern origin. And now, they rent a home, or a unit, and live like a family. I bet it is a wonderful experience and something that is worth having in our lives.

I know. I know it's kind of awful for me to be thinking as such when I have a comfortable and welcoming home for me and able to always stay close to heart to my family.

Oh well, it just got me thinking.

This is not something sad that I'm saying. It's another one of those wild thoughts that I have. :)

But if that really happens to me, I can't imagine how I could stand being away from my momma. Really, I don't know.

She's simply the best.

Let's just leave it all to God. :)

season 2

The 4-month long semester break is finally counting down its final moments. In just less than 24 hours, I'll be heading back to college and resume a hectic and assignment-bound life, yet again. Frankly, I've been quite looking forward to the opening of a brand new semester, but that was weeks before my sheer indulgence of the movie-centred days. Especially now that we've all became aware of the vast number of new students that will be joining us. Shucks, I do sound like an anti-social person is it? Well, it's a good thing getting acquainted with new people but when you have bonded so perfectly with a group of insanely fun people as yourself are after one semester, it's a pretty depressing thing to know that there is the possibility lurking before us that we might be separated, soon. I could only hope NOT.

That aside, I'm welcoming more optimism though. :) Well, after all, aren't we supposed to love others as we love ourselves? Cool then, let us all embrace the imminent friendship that will all but rock our lives. 

A 4-month long hiatus from studies and academic books and lectures and assignments can really pose a damage to myself. My body and my mind similarly. My body- being lazy; my mind- the mentality of being lazy and refusing to accept the fact that holidays are now over and time to live up to the purpose of my existence in Taylor's. Looks like there'll be lots of ice-breaking needed between us and the lecturers because all have never taught us before. All I can only hope is for them to be as fun as our previous lecturers have been. Oh, and a good sense of humour is very much required too. :D

I'm gonna work much harder from now onwards. That's a promise to myself. No more slacking, no more excessive fooling-arounds, and high time for that studious self in me to be back.

I promise. God bless. :)

Toast to the bright path ahead of a, well um, new season of my life! :)